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Writing Samples
Band 8.5

It is a natural process that some animal species are extinct (e.g. dinosaur and dodos no longer exist). There is no reason that some people try to prevent this from happening. Do you agree or disagree?

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It is argued that animal extinction is a natural process, so humans have no justifiable reason to avert it. I disagree with
this
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 notion. Admittedly, the disappearance of certain animals
such
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 as dinosaurs and dodos is considered natural because it occurs without direct human influence, like asteroid impact or volcanic eruptions, so it cannot be prevented.
However
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, I am convinced that it remains our responsibility to prevent
this
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 phenomenon from happening. Specifically, there is no denying that human activities,
such
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 as deforestation and industrial pollution, have led to habitat loss and pollution, which are the primary reasons for animal extinction. Since humans are the drivers of ecological destruction, it is their duty to ensure animals’ existence. By doing so, we are not only fulfilling our moral duty toward nature, but we are
also
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 helping create a planet full of diversity for future generations to appreciate.
In addition
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, apart from fulfilling our ethical responsibility, I am sure that our efforts to halt animals’ death may open new avenues for scientific discoveries, which could bring immense benefits to mankind.
For instance
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, the Sumatran Orangutan, a highly endangered species today, is worth protecting. If we ignore them, we will not be able to utilize them when conducting scientific research involving evolution and genetics. When
this
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 happens, understanding their close genetic relationship with humans
as well as
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 the possibility of scientific breakthroughs like cloning or medical advancements will not be possible. In conclusion,
although
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 I find it admissible that certain animals no longer exist
due to
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 natural reasons, we must still recognize our ethical responsibility and animals’ potential contributions to scientific discovery, so we should exert more effort on protecting them than neglecting them.

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Coherence & Cohesion
To further strengthen your essay, consider adding a more diverse range of sentence structures to enhance the readability and engagement for the reader.
Task Achievement
Explore the possibility of introducing counterarguments to provide a more balanced perspective in your discussion. This could further improve the depth of your analysis and demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Logical Structure
Your essay presents a logically structured argument, commendably leading the reader through your points with clear transitions.
Introduction & Conclusion Present
The introduction and conclusion are effectively presented, framing your argument well and providing a satisfying closure.
Supported Main Points
Your essay thoroughly supports its main points with specific and relevant examples, enhancing the persuasiveness of your argument.
Complete Response
You've comprehensively addressed the essay prompt, exhibiting a clear understanding of the topic through well-communicated, comprehensive ideas.
Relevant & Specific Examples
The use of specific examples, such as the Sumatran Orangutan, significantly strengthens your argument, making it both relevant and illustrative.
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