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Band 5

Some people think that schools have to be more entertaining, while others think that their sole purpose is to educate. Which do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

#people #schools #purpose #support
Some individuals
argued
Wrong verb form
argue
show examples
 that colleges should be entertaining whilst others say that the main and only goal of schools is to teach.I agree with the statement
of
Change preposition
that
show examples
 institutes have to have conditions to realize their leisure time activities to some extent.
Above all
,it is irrefutable that the first aim of schools is to educate
students
.
However
,when children do only their studies,
this
 may be boring for them
therefore
 sometimes it is needed to allocate time so as to do free activities.
This
 is simply because it helps
students
 in order to get rid of school stresses,by doing
this
 they will have a chance to be more productive because pastime paves the way to recharge their batteries.One explanation for
this
,
according to
 Sweden scientists
practice
Verb problem
is that
show examples
 when the institute provides learners with entertaining exercise,they can easily absorb their studies.
Hence
,authorities ought to take into consideration
this
 issue.
Furthermore
, another advantage of entertainment at the campus is giving the opportunity to improve not only interaction ability but
also
 teamwork because when children come together in order to play sports
such
 as football and volleyball or do some enjoyable activities,they learn how they attain a target together.
In other words
,they experience becoming united.To exemplify my opinion,in some Asian countries
such
 as China and South Korea sports competitions are held among
students
 so as to enhance their working skills in the form of groups.
This
 is why it is necessary to clear the way for
students
 to be engaged in things that they want.
To conclude
,
although
 some people think that the sole goal of schools is to educate,from my personal view they have to be more entertaining because of the aforementioned factors.
Submitted by malikli.malik1995 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph contributes clearly to the overall argument and maintains a logical sequence of ideas. Use transition words and phrases to connect ideas more effectively. Improve the introduction and conclusion to clearly present and summarize the main points.
task response
Make sure to fully address the prompt and provide a clear stance on the issue. Also, develop the ideas more thoroughly and use specific examples to support the points made.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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