"Prevention is better than cure". Out of country's health budget, a large proportion should be deverted from treatment in spending on health education and prevention measures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statment ?
It is commonly believed that prevention is better than cure and that the national health budget should be directed to health education in schools and universities
in addition
to avoidance measures against illness. In my point of view, I partially agree with Linking Words
this
idea and Linking Words
this
essay will Linking Words
further
elaborate on why I personally claim that the country's health budget should be equally divided between treatment and awareness.
Linking Words
To begin
with, it is crucial to invest significant amounts of money in education because prevention plays a strong role in dropping the population's rate of illness. Educating communities about preserving their well-being by organizing scientific educational events Linking Words
while
Linking Words
also
convincing them to inject vaccines Linking Words
improve
the Correct subject-verb agreement
improves
overall
outcomes. Linking Words
Moreover
, science and research need to be supported by the government in order to develop new strategies to prevent diseases. To illustrate, most money was internationally directed to the well-being sector during the Linking Words
Covid
pandemic to come up with effective vaccines that would eventually stop the disease from spreading, and luckily, these investments were fruitful. Correct your spelling
COVID-19
Thus
, it is important to prevent illnesses by educating communities and opting for avoidance measures.
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However
, avoidance alone is not enough Linking Words
due to
the fact that some diseases are not preventable. Illnesses occurring Linking Words
due to
genetic or anatomic disturbance, Linking Words
such
as cancer or neurological damage ,Linking Words
for example
, need to be treated as fast as possible because of their fast evolution. Linking Words
Furthermore
, these problems could be life-threatening if not taken seriously. Linking Words
Therefore
, the government should focus on cures as well.
To summarize, I personally think that it is important to equally give attention to the prevention and the treatment of diseases, as both of these measures are necessary in order to preserve the population's well-being because some illnesses are preventable but others are only curable.Linking Words
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Task Response: The essay mostly addresses the prompt and provides a balanced view on the allocation of the national health budget. It acknowledges the importance of health education and prevention measures, while also recognizing the significance of treatment for non-preventable diseases. This presents a clear understanding of the topic. However, there could have been a stronger emphasis on developing the argument for an equal division of the health budget.
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Coherence and Cohesion: The essay follows a logical structure with clear introduction and conclusion. The main points are supported with relevant examples, but the link between ideas can be improved for better coherence. Transition phrases and cohesive devices could be used more effectively to connect the ideas and paragraphs. Additionally, each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence to guide the reader. Overall, the essay demonstrates a good understanding of coherence and cohesion but can be improved with better organization and connection of ideas.