IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some say that because many people are living much longer the age at which people retire from work should be raised considerably. To what content do you agree

#say #people #age #work #content
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In today’s era
people
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 are living much longer than it was a century ago, so the prolongation of
Use synonyms
work
Correct article usage
the work
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 age become one of the most discussed topics. On the one hand, many
people
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 would say that if
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people
Change noun form
people's
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life
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 became longer it is no matter why they should retire at the same age as it was a few decades later.
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Add an article
A person
The person
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Person
Fix the agreement mistake
People
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 who
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work
Change the verb form
works
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 more years generate more money and could pay
the
Correct article usage
apply
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pensions to individuals, which are already retired. It means that government save money and could spend them on helpful social projects.
Moreover
Linking Words
, working individuals could spend more time in the
work
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, which they love and improve their careers.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, working individual keep fulfilled and contribute to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society, so
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person
Add an article
the person
a person
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 will feel self-satisfaction and due to that full of energy and motivation.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, we miss the connection between generations,
instead
Linking Words
 of spending time with their family and enjoying the rest of their
life
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,
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Add an article
a person
the person
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person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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 should
work
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 and spend their golden hours.
Additionally
Linking Words
, our
life
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 is not only about working and money generation it is
also
Linking Words
 about having fun and spending time with
people
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 whom we love. Looking for grandchildren is a very important process, which improves the connection between the younger and older generation, so the working
person
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 misses
this
Linking Words
 process and reduces the power of the generation connection. In conclusion, I think that decision to retire early or prolongate your
work
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 age ought to be made by everyone personally, everybody has to decide how they are going to spend the rest of
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life
Correct pronoun usage
their life
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.
Submitted by dominikskorbus on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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