IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

some people believe that if people are not allowed to work after the age of 60, it cause problems. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #work #age
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Rules for working at the
age
Use synonyms
 above
sixty
Use synonyms
 varies country to country. Many believe it is healthy to get retire from
work
Use synonyms
 after reaching
sixty
Use synonyms
 while others believe retiring from
work
Use synonyms
 only because of
Use synonyms
age
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
limit
Fix the agreement mistake
limits
show examples
 creates difficulties. Personally,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 am in favour of the latter and in the following
paragraphs
Add a comma
,paragraphs
show examples
 I will be explaining my views.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, restricting
people
Use synonyms
 from
work
Use synonyms
 after a certain
age
Use synonyms
produce
Correct subject-verb agreement
produces
show examples
 huge stress about their financial stability as the job was the main source of livelihood for a long period of time.
For instance
Linking Words
, service holders in Bangladesh compulsorily retire after
sixty
Use synonyms
 when in most cases families struggle to carry on due to
sudden
Correct article usage
a sudden
show examples
 cut off of income.
Thus
Linking Words
, the person who was once responsible for providing
with
Change preposition
for
show examples
 all needs of the household
go
Change the verb form
goes
show examples
 through unbearable mental
stresses
Fix the agreement mistake
stress
show examples
 just because he is now not able to support
financially
Correct pronoun usage
himself financially
show examples
 as before.
Such
Linking Words
 incapability kills their inner peace which may lead to damage
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 family bonds. Another point worth mentioning is that working keeps
people
Use synonyms
 active and healthy. When a person
stop
Change the verb form
stops
show examples
 working as s/he gets to
sixty
Use synonyms
, cells of their body stop
lose
Correct word choice
and lose
show examples
regenration
Correct your spelling
regeneration
 power and
thus
Linking Words
 the process of
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
 goes faster.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who continue to
work
Use synonyms
 tens to
age
Use synonyms
 two times slower than those who retire after
sixty
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
,
Japanese
Correct article usage
the Japanese
show examples
 are renowned in the world for their
longeivity
Correct your spelling
longevity
 which is mostly contributed by the practice of being active even at the
age
Use synonyms
 of 100. In conclusion,
Use synonyms
age
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
 limit
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
work
Use synonyms
permit
Fix the agreement mistake
permits
show examples
 causes
people
Use synonyms
 to go through
financial
Correct article usage
a financial
show examples
crisis
Fix the agreement mistake
crises
show examples
 leading to
Correct your spelling
damage
Correct article usage
a damge
show examples
damge
Correct your spelling
damage
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 family cohesion along with gearing up their
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
 process.
Therefore
Linking Words
, governments of any country should not force citizens to leave their
work
Use synonyms
 just
Correct your spelling
because
beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
 of
age
Use synonyms
 if they are fit and willing to continue their jobs.
Submitted by barson.mithun392 on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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