IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that overconsumption of fast food is contributing to the global obesity epidemic. What problems are associated with this, and what solutions can be implemented

Nowadays, many people rely on fast
food
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 as a main source of their diet, so some people believe that it is contributing to the global
obesity
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 epidemic. In
this
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 essay, I will provide the potential problems and the possible
solutions
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. On the
one
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 hand, there are several issues that have influenced human health, caused by bad habits and diet.
One
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 of those is consuming an enormous amount of fast
food
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,
as a result
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,
obesity
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 comes on top of the list of diseases.
Obesity
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 could cause a lot of problems to our health. First and foremost, diabetes is
one
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 of the most dangerous threats to our health
due to
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 the diseases which are caused or exacerbated by diabetes.
In addition
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, the chain is not stopped;
one
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 illness leads to another, like a shortage of vision, and unclear vision is associated with diabetes.
Secondly
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, heart problems that occur because of fat are
also
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 related to
obesity
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.
According to
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 a recent study which applied to a wide group of men and women,
obesity
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 can increase the chance of getting heart issues by 67 per cent for men, and 48 per cent for women.
On the other hand
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, some medical scientists have taken
this
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 responsibility on their shoulders and started seeking
solutions
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 for
this
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 situation. The outcome of those efforts was a proposal that has many
solutions
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.
First,
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raise the prices of fast
food
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, or just raise the tax to support facilities that fight
obesity
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. Another
one
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 is using advertisements as an approach to inform society about the potential outcomes of fast
food
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 and to show better alternatives.
In addition
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, encourage people to do some exercises and make them aware of the benefits that they could get from regular exercise.
For instance
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, put courts in the neighbourhoods beside small gyms. In conclusion, the
solutions
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 for
this
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 pattern of consuming
food
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 are many, they are not just those that I provided. The responsibility is on everyone who can make a difference in
this
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 matter. As we know, the topic of healthy
food
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 has become a priority for communities.

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coherence and cohesion
Try to ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that is supported with specific details. Consider organizing your ideas more systematically to strengthen your argumentation.
task achievement
When discussing health issues related to obesity, consider offering a wider range of problems to provide a more comprehensive view. This will enhance completeness in your response.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly sets up the essay and states the purpose, which is essential for guiding the reader.
task achievement
You've made a good effort to connect fast food consumption with health problems, which is relevant to the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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