Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination,while other think that tere are more important factors such as money and appearance.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #success #life #work #determination #tere #factors #money #appearance

this

ambitious world, money is trending. Indeed, people are being evaluated based on their wealth. Some believe that working hard in life will eventually make you successful,

while

others on

contrary

Correct article usage

the contrary

show examples

, believe that it is all about being wealthy and having good

looking

Replace the word

looks

show examples

While

both views are logical, in my opinion, hard work is the key to becoming powerful. In the forthcoming paragraphs,

this

essay will elaborate more on both views by exemplifying lucid examples. Working hard with a lot of ambition will eventually be the reason for reaching your goals. But

this

needs a lot of patience.

For example

, students usually finish university willing to start working. There are those who work hard to reach their goals rather than give up.

Moreover

, we often listen to successful businessmen, how they started their careers which they don't admire, but ended up being so wealthy and relating

this

to their dedication and a lot of determination until they reach their passion.

Furthermore

, there are some

that

Correct pronoun usage

who

show examples

believe money is everything in life, it could make you famous and well-known.

In addition

to being wealthy, being good-looking

also

lead

Correct subject-verb agreement

leads

show examples

you to the same.

Although

it is somehow correct, in my ,opinion there is much less chance of

this

. In view of

this

, we rarely see a wealthy human who reaches their goal without being dedicated or

whereas

without working brutally before reaching

this

Besides

, being affluent without working will eventually lead to failure.

For example

, a businessman will never succeed only by being rich.

To sum up

, everything mentioned and both views are all keys to reaching what you want. But in my ,opinion it's all about passion and dedication rather than being good-looking without working hard to succeed.

Submitted by ayoub.mehdi on Thu Oct 27 2022

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task response

Ensure to fully address both aspects of the topic (hard work and determination vs. money and appearance) to provide a balanced argument.

coherence cohesion

Overall, the essay has a clear logical structure with a well-organized introduction and conclusion. However, make sure to use linking words to connect ideas more cohesively within paragraphs.

lexical resource

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and appropriate word choices. Consider using more sophisticated and varied vocabulary to enhance the lexical resource.

grammatical range

There are various grammatical errors throughout the essay. Pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and sentence structure.

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

288 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many doctors say that people in today’s world do not enough physical exercise. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures are there to this problem?

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