Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination,while other think that tere are more important factors such as money and appearance.Discuss both views and give your opinion.
In
this
ambitious world, money is trending. Indeed, people are being evaluated based on their wealth. Some believe that working hard in life will eventually make you successful, while
others on contrary
, believe that it is all about being wealthy and having good Correct article usage
the contrary
looking
. Replace the word
looks
While
both views are logical, in my opinion, hard work is the key to becoming powerful. In the forthcoming paragraphs, this
essay will elaborate more on both views by exemplifying lucid examples.
Working hard with a lot of ambition will eventually be the reason for reaching your goals. But this
needs a lot of patience. For example
, students usually finish university willing to start working. There are those who work hard to reach their goals rather than give up. Moreover
, we often listen to successful businessmen, how they started their careers which they don't admire, but ended up being so wealthy and relating this
to their dedication and a lot of determination until they reach their passion.
Furthermore
, there are some that
believe money is everything in life, it could make you famous and well-known. Correct pronoun usage
who
In addition
to being wealthy, being good-looking also
lead
you to the same. Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
Although
it is somehow correct, in my ,opinion there is much less chance of this
. In view of this
, we rarely see a wealthy human who reaches their goal without being dedicated or whereas
without working brutally before reaching this
. Besides
, being affluent without working will eventually lead to failure. For example
, a businessman will never succeed only by being rich.
To sum up
, everything mentioned and both views are all keys to reaching what you want. But in my ,opinion it's all about passion and dedication rather than being good-looking without working hard to succeed.Submitted by ayoub.mehdi on
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task response
Ensure to fully address both aspects of the topic (hard work and determination vs. money and appearance) to provide a balanced argument.
coherence cohesion
Overall, the essay has a clear logical structure with a well-organized introduction and conclusion. However, make sure to use linking words to connect ideas more cohesively within paragraphs.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and appropriate word choices. Consider using more sophisticated and varied vocabulary to enhance the lexical resource.
grammatical range
There are various grammatical errors throughout the essay. Pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and sentence structure.