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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many criminals commit further crimes as soon as they released from prison. What do you think are the causes of this? What possible solutions can you suggest.

#criminals #crimes #prison
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In the world, as the population is concentrated in the cities, the increase in crime is emerging as a social problem.
However
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, the more serious problem is that when the prisoners from prison come back they commit crimes again. In
this
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 essay, I will illustrate some causes of offending and present some possible solutions to sort out these social issues.
First
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 of all, those who have broken laws have a hard time resisting the temptation of offence again. They are well aware of how to make money in illegitimate ways and are within reach of their accomplices who could incite them to do so. As an example of
this
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, statistics show that many sinners coming out of prisons after serving their sentences go back to jails under the influence of their old friends.
Besides
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, inmates have not received enough retraining to acquire skills or knowledge to adapt to society. In general, prisoners are imprisoned for a long time and are isolated from the outside, so they are not only unable to keep up with changes in the world but are likely to lose their social skills during the hiatus. In order for criminals to adjust well, above all, we need to abandon prejudice against them.
Although
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 a significant number of people commit crimes by accident, we tend to put some stigma on ex-convicts.
This
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 labelling effect could lead to increasing isolation of them and discrimination by preventing them from getting jobs in the community.
Furthermore
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, in order for them to live confidently as members of the public, the government must provide facilities and opportunities to learn vocational skills. Most of all, we must eliminate our social discrimination. Whether they have a criminal record or not, they should be given the same opportunity for work and social promotion. In conclusion, humans are not perfect, so anyone can make mistakes and be involved in illegal acts.
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, we have to keep in mind that if they have been paid for their misdemeanour, they are no longer sinners but ordinary citizens. Whether they will live as offenders in
this
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 nation or as improved people is up to everyone.
Submitted by seonkorea on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Rehabilitation
  • Reintegrate
  • Social stigma
  • Recidivism
  • Criminal records
  • Ex-offender
  • Associations
  • Comprehensive
  • Workforce
  • Mentoring
  • Incentivize
  • Stigmatize
  • Subsidies
  • Legitimate
What to do next:
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