IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8.5

Businesses should have social responsibilities in the communities where they operate. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#businesses #responsibilities #communities
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With the growth of the rate of expansion of businesses and factories, it is commonly thought that they should have social responsibilities towards the communities they're settled in. In my point of view, I completely agree with
this
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 statement and
this
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 essay will
further
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 elaborate on why I believe that they need to assume their role within the population.
To begin
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 with, local businesses need to influence positively the people living in the areas they're based in.
In other words
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, it is necessary that they procure employment for the youth by offering job opportunities,
consequently
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 decreasing the rate of unemployment. To illustrate, resorts and hotels often recruit important numbers of active workers within the area they operate in, which is economically beneficial for both sides.
Thus
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, entrepreneurs have an important impact on the social status of the local population.
Furthermore
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, not only do the factories take responsibility for the employment, but they
also
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 need to take into consideration the environmental impact they might have on the surroundings. The increase in the number of businesses is often related to a rise in the rate of pollution, which damages the environment.
Moreover
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,
this
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 phenomenon will expose citizens to health problems leading to economical disturbance.
For example
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, the textile industry is among the highly operative fields known but has a role in global pollution as well.
Hence
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, there is an indirect bond between the environment and social responsibilities. To summarize, I am personally convinced with the fact that local entrepreneurs have a significant responsibility towards the community they choose to operate in, and that they need to
first
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 think about people and how they could impact them positively.
Submitted by fatimazahra.kanbar on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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