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Writing Samples
Band 5

Success is often measure by wealth and material belonging. Do you think wealth is best measure of success? What makes a successful person?

#success #measure #wealth #person
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In the contemporary era, physical possession of assets and monetary value are among the most prevalent factors that determine a
person
's
success
 level. It is my contention that
although
 high
economical
Correct word choice
economic
show examples
 status is an effective tool to measure
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
success
, there are some other alternative indicators
such
 as physical shape, wisdom and discipline to address how accomplished a
person
 is. First and foremost,
materialistic
Correct article usage
a materialistic
show examples
 approach to evaluate
successfulness
Add an article
the successfulness
show examples
 of a
person
 has invariably been
practiced
Change the spelling
practised
show examples
 by people who
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
lived in 19s century. Ownership of real estate assets and capital value can solely encapsulate
success
Correct article usage
the success
show examples
 of a
person
 in terms of financial stability devoid of other key influencing factors. To
examplify
Correct your spelling
exemplify
this
 statement, in certain demographics, in order to be considered a successful
human-being
Correct your spelling
human being
show examples
,
ones
Replace the word
one
show examples
 should be in possession of a substantial amount of wealth which is measured in cash or other tangible belongings.
Moreover
, I believe, it would not be a prudent decision to exert all the pressure
onto
Change preposition
on
show examples
 a single variable like financial status to be entitled as a successful
person
.
Furthermore
, comprehensive and intangible values are necessitated to coexist,
therefore
, turning individuals into
success
 makers. It goes without saying that financial freedom falls short
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 being a measure of
success
 among a group of present residents.
For example
, the most renowned successful athletes have mastered the skill of being victorious owing to their
diciplined
Correct your spelling
disciplined
 character and
preserverence
Correct your spelling
perseverance
as well as
 physical readiness
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the events.
Consequently
, we can deduce the notion that numerous influencing indicators should be present for a
person
 to
be count
Change the verb form
be counted
show examples
 as prosperous
instead
 of a single one. In conclusion, whilst it is true that some people consider
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
financial power as a sign of
success
, there are other considerable measures which bear high priority to count a
person
 as a triumphant one.
Submitted by orkhanshamil on

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task achievement
To improve your score for the task response, ensure that your essay directly addresses all parts of the prompt more explicitly. While you've provided an opinion on whether wealth is the best measure of success and discussed alternatives, strengthening your argument by more clearly outlining these positions early in your essay can make your stance clearer. Additionally, offering more varied and specific examples to support each point would enhance your argument significantly.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, try to create a smoother flow between your ideas by using a range of transition words and phrases. While you've structured your essay logically, focusing on linking sentences within paragraphs and connections between paragraphs can improve clarity. Also, a more conclusive ending that summarizes your main points and restates your position could make your conclusion more effective.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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