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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

More and more people nowadays visit well-known places to take photographs of themselves, without looking at tl1e place. Why do you think this is happening? Is it a positive or a negative trend?

#people #visit #places #photographs #tl #e #place #trend
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Nowadays, when visiting a place, people tend to take photos and videos of themselves rather than enjoying the landscape or exploring the place.
Although
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 taking photos is very important and you should cherish the moments by saving them, some individuals make that their only priority. In my personal experience,
this
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 trend can be quite frustrating.
For example
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, in some
locations
Add a comma
locations,
show examples
 people block the view and spend excessive time trying to capture the best photo.
As a result
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, not only does the area become crowded, but
also
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 other individuals can't see the sights.
This
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 is particularly noticeable at concerts, where all you see is the crowd's mobile phones as they are consistently taking videos
instead
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 of appreciating the actual performance. There are many reasons for
this
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 trend.
First,
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some people prioritize social media and the attention it gives them;
as a result
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, they don't care about the place they are visiting, they only focus on taking good photos and posting them online for the purpose of showing off.
Second,
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society has instilled the belief that our experiences and adventures are only valid if there is some evidence to show. Of course, You can go hiking and have the best time of your life, but without having good photographs no one will fully understand your experience. In conclusion,
while
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 it is essential to collect memories by taking pictures,
this
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 trend can lead to a superficial understanding of the places.
Therefore
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, we should enjoy our time as much as possible without being worried about what others think.
Submitted by Rezaiesara1411 on

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coherence cohesion
The focus on logical structure could be improved by clearly outlining the reasons in separate paragraphs.
task achievement
Consider elaborating more on the specific examples you provide to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are engaging and well-connected, effectively framing the essay.
task achievement
The main points are clearly stated and relevant to the prompt, providing a comprehensive response to the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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