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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, there has been an increase in the number of advertisements which try to persuade children to buy snacks, toys, and other goods. Parents often claim that these ads are unfair as parents feel under pressure to buy these kinds of this for their children. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#countries #advertisements #children #snacks #toys #goods #parents #ads #pressure #kinds
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Contemporary businesses are inclined towards earning lucrative profits by targeting juveniles.
Moreover
,these business organizations adopt alluring marketing strategies to attract young customers, and it has been opined by individuals that
this
 ongoing scenario
create
Change the verb form
creates
show examples
burden
Add an article
a burden
show examples
 on
parents
.
This
 essay agrees with the aforementioned notion to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 large extent because it welcomes unnecessary spending and it
also
 negatively impacts a child’s psychology.
First
Correct article usage
The first
show examples
 and foremost reason is that
advertisements
 encourage social pressure on
parents
this
 is because when
parents
 witness other
children
 with
plethora
Add an article
a plethora
show examples
 of commodities ,they all aspire to procure the same for their child just to maintain the social status of their family. To illustrate, modern
parents
 are not hesitant to procure expensive communities even on loans when they experience that their child is reluctant to purchase something which other
children
 already possess. Resultantly, members of society are under pressure due to
advertisements
 that motivate youngsters to purchase commodities.
Moreover
, marketing strategies have
also
 adversely impacted child psychology. Juveniles nowadays are image-conscious and they want to compete with their friends on the basis of the items they acquire. A recent study conducted in the US state that consumerism is increasing tremendously among the young generation
Consequently
,
parents
 are under inevitable stress as they are incompetent to control the influence of
advertisements
.
However
, business owners are pursuing their job and their main objective is to serve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society by creating awareness about their products through
advertisements
 ,
children
's due to their innocence
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are unable to judge the
necessary
Replace the word
necessity
show examples
 of certain items and simply procure while getting influenced by adverts. To conclude,
although
 it owns of
parents
Correct article usage
the parents
show examples
 to control the demands of
children
 and they are
also
 responsible to counsel them.
This
 essay believes that
parents
 are under an obligation to showcase their social well-being by facing financial pressure and they are
also
 unable to control the impact of
advertisements
 on
children
 which is quite unfair.
Submitted by rinkyrathor3488 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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