IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #risks #lives
It is believed that
risks
 are essential to work and personal lives.
However
, opponents contend that the drawbacks of risky decisions outweigh the benefits. There is controversy
whether
Change preposition
about whether
show examples
people
 should take
risks
. From my perspective, the advantages of
risks
Correct article usage
the risks
show examples
 outweigh the disadvantages. I will explore the issue in the following passages.
To begin
 with,
risks
 could bring more opportunities for
people
 both professionally and personally.
People
 might make significant and risky career changes in the pursuit of promotions.
For example
, employees in a software company would work for another corporation focusing on artificial intelligence, as the latter job offers more income and
this
 industry is more promising.
Moreover
,
people
 might have more enriched experience and excitement if they try some extreme
actitivies
Correct your spelling
activities
 in
lesuire
Correct your spelling
leisure
 activities.
For instance
, scuba diving
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the Golden Coast would be a
Correct your spelling
lifetime
show examples
life-time
Correct your spelling
lifetime
show examples
 experience
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
 some tourists.
As a result
, taking reasonable
risks
 would be beneficial to
people
 in career development and
lesuire
Correct your spelling
leisure
 life. I concede that
risks
 could cause numerous financial and healthy issues.
People
 who make bold and unreasonable investments without thoughtful
considerations
Fix the agreement mistake
consideration
show examples
 would end up in bankruptcy. They might rely on
Add an article
a mortgage
show examples
mortgage
Fix the agreement mistake
mortgages
show examples
 to purchase luxurious
vheicles
Correct your spelling
vehicles
 and
housings
Fix the agreement mistake
housing
show examples
 which they cannot afford.
Additionally
, some might suffer from heart disorders and asthma, who are not suitable for extreme events like hiking, bungee jumping or diving. It would be detrimental to their health or cause lethal complications if they are involved in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
risky sports activities. In the final analysis, wise decisions about
risks
 are conducive to career and personal lives, for they can offer more opportunities and enrich
people
's experience. Only when
people
 balance the merits and possible consequences of
risks
 can they gain benefits from the
risks
.
Otherwise
, they could suffer from financial loss and physical issues.
Submitted by 1123747551 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
What to do next:
Look at other essays: