Parents and teachers make many rules for children to encourage good behaviour and to protect them from danger. However, children would benefit from fewer rules and greater freedom. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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in order to encourage good behaviour,
rules
are made for children both at
home
by
parents
and at school by their teachers so no freedom is left for them which would be more beneficial, and
i
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I
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do agree with
this
statement as it would be good for the
kids
' mental health.
firstly
it is understandable that
parents
only wish to keep their
kids
away from danger but it cannot be that extensive knowing that most things dictated to their sons at school are
rules
so they must give them a bit of space when they get
home
to do the things they like with no much
rules
imposed except for the ones that are really meant to keep the kid away from danger,
moreover
Add a comma
moreover,
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it is a good thing for the kid to decide whether to do some activity next without having a schedule and a plan he has to follow as it boosts his sense of responsibility and it is a thing to be noticed as the
parents
will be monitoring their
kids
closely. ,
,
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apply
show examples
secondly
Rephrase
apply
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the teachers must maintain the
rules
at school as it is the way to teach the
kids
that it is a different place than
home
and
rules
there must be respected no matter what which will
also
prepare the
kids
for the grown-up lifestyle and the respect they must have to their college and workplace in the future
however
it is the teachers' job to
also
monitor the children for any emergency that might occur. in conclusion, giving freedom to the
kids
so they do whatever they want at
home
will help build their character
furthermore
the
parents
would be amazed
of
Change preposition
at
show examples
how responsible their
kids
will get.
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    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
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