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Writing Samples
Band 6

It is important for people to take risks, both in their personal lives and professional lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risk outweigh the disadvantages

#people #risks #lives #risk
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It is a discussion about
Use synonyms
risk
Add an article
the risk
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 that
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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plays a vital role in many aspects of people’s life
such
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 as job
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
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,
educating
Replace the word
education
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, and
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
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 important
period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
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 of life. In my point of view,
this
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 statement is true and the proses are more than the cons. I will discuss my opinion in the forthcoming paragraphs.
To begin
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 with,
risk
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 leads to achieving success. To clarify, when people perform a
risk
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, their goals are more accessible to reach.
For instance
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, there are some
Correct your spelling
businessmen
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business men
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businessmen
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 who improve their situations just
with
Change preposition
by
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 risking. Elon musk is one of
those person
Change the determiner
that person
those people
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. When he was in
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
big trouble at his earlier step, he took a big
risk
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 and invested a large amount of his wealth to improve his company even
it
Correct word choice
though it
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was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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probably had a dreadful
consequence
Fix the agreement mistake
consequences
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 for his position.
As a result
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, at
this
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 moment he is the richest man
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the world, due to his approach
about
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to
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 taking a
risk
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.
On the other hand
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, in some cases, taking a
risk
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 has a destructive result for a person. Because some people believe, they should take a
risk
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 without thinking. So, it causes a lot of harmful results on their patches. But the essential thing for risking is to be rational and consider all options before destinations.
For example
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, one of my close friends
loss
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lost
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 his wealth just with
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 irrational
risk
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.
As a result
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,
Correct your spelling
he
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hi
Correct your spelling
he
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 is depressed by his wrong perspective. To conclude my essay, taking a
risk
Use synonyms
 is one of the key
factor
Change to a plural noun
factors
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 to
reach
Wrong verb form
reaching
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 our dreams.
However
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, we should take it in
rational
Change the article
a rational
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 way and
weighing
Wrong verb form
weigh
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 up all the aspects before
take
Change the verb form
taking
show examples
 it practical in our ways. Totally, I believe the advantages of
this
Linking Words
 approach are more significant than the disadvantages.
Submitted by parsafatahi1998 on

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