Completing university education is thought by some to be the best way to get a job. On the other hand, other people think that getting experience and development soft skill in more important Discus both views and give your opinion?

Nowadays, some people believe that getting a
university
degree
will improve their career prospects
while
others insist that work
experience
and interpersonal
skills
are more important than
university
education. In my opinion,
experience
is certainly important but it is not as important as a
degree
.
Experience
and soft
skills
certainly matter. In many
industries
Add a comma
industries,
show examples
employers will only hire people who have previous work
experience
in the same sector. By hiring experienced employers, they can eliminate the costs involved in training new employees. Soft
skills
are
also
important now. Gone are the days when employees could finish tasks on their own. Now they require team effort.
Also
in
this
age of
globalization
Add a comma
globalization,
show examples
businesses operate from multiple locations from across the globe. In
this
scenario
Add a comma
scenario,
show examples
an employee requires good interpersonal
skills
to communicate with a customer or a client living in another part of the globe.
However
,
experience
and soft
skills
alone will not help much. Jobs have become more complicated these days and it is not possible to perform them without adequate knowledge and training.
For example
, a person cannot practice as a doctor or an advocate without getting a
degree
in medicine or law. Most jobs that offer good salaries actually belong to
this
category. Only a candidate who has spent five or six years at
university
can apply for them.
Experience
is something that an individual gains after getting hired. It will definitely improve their chances of getting a promotion or raise.
However
, in order to get hired, the first thing they need is a
university
degree
. What’s more, nowadays, universities impart much more than theoretical knowledge. They conduct workshops to give students hands-on
experience
.
University
education
also
provides students an opportunity to interact with others and improve their communication
skills
. In conclusion,
experience
is certainly important and in some sectors it is indispensable.
However
, in my opinion,
experience
alone will not help a person. In fact, in
this
age where most jobs require specialist knowledge, most employers would not even bother to hire someone who lacks a
university
degree
Submitted by lychieuxien on

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Task Achievement
To enhance Task Achievement, ensure you address all parts of the prompt fully. While this essay touches upon both views and provides an opinion, the argument could be strengthened by including more pertinent examples to back up each view point. Additionally, directly contrasting the two views may provide clearer insight and help the reader understand the nuances between them.
Coherence and Cohesion
For better Coherence and Cohesion, maintain a strong logical flow throughout the essay. The essay has a good structure, but transitions between paragraphs can be made smoother to guide the reader through the argument more effectively. Usage of a wider variety of cohesive devices can also bolster this.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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