IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some feel that the effects of advertising are positive for individuals and business, while others think they are negative. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#feel #effects #individuals #business
It is thought that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
advertisements
 have various benefits which positively
influences
Correct subject-verb agreement
influence
show examples
 on
person
Add an article
the person
a person
show examples
 and on business too,
however
Add the comma(s)
,however
show examples
 others think that
advertisements
 have more negative effects rather than
positive
Correct pronoun usage
onespositive
show examples
.
Advertisements
, in my opinion, as a tool which helps to appeal
Change preposition
to people
show examples
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 attention to new
products
however
 not all
products
 have positive intentions. In
forthcoming
Correct article usage
the forthcoming
show examples
 paragraphs, I shall discuss and give reasons for my opinion. On the one hand,
advertisements
 became a key which helps for company to stand out from others in
global
Correct article usage
the global
show examples
 market
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and appeal
more
Change preposition
to more
show examples
 customers for
economy
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 growth. Advertising can encourage companies to compete and provide new
products
,
this
 encourages more consumers to buy because these
products
 meet the needs and
wants
Change the verb form
want
show examples
 of more consumers, by
this
, the economy is positively affected.
In addition
, advertising can help create more jobs. As the demand for
products
 and services goes up because of advertising, more
people
 are needed to manufacture, supply, ship and test those
products
 and services.
Therefore
, more jobs are created.
On the other hand
, advertising aims to present a
product
 in the best light possible,
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 the problem arises when
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
dramatization crosses the line into falsely representing a
product
.
Add an article
The product
show examples
Product
Fix the agreement mistake
Products
show examples
 can be embellished and not look the same as in advertisement and
create
Wrong verb form
creating
show examples
 false expectations of customers.
Also
,
advertisements
 impact
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
how
people
 feel about themselves — often in a negative way, by presenting in advertisement models, who are
extremally
Replace the word
extremely
show examples
 slim and pretty, which leads to the fact that
people
 are trying to achieve the same slimness and
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the pursuit of
this
 beauty,
people
 face health problems as many stops eating trying to lose weight. Overall,
advertisements
 play
huge
Add an article
a huge
show examples
 role in appealing
Change preposition
to people
show examples
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 attention and in
product
 promotion,
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 some
advertisements
 create
fake
Add an article
a fake
show examples
expectation
Fix the agreement mistake
expectations
show examples
 about the
product
 by embellishment their
product
 appearance.
Submitted by yokubjon_nurullaev on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: