IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some feel that the effects of advertising are positive for individuals and business, while others think they are negative. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#feel #effects #individuals #business
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It is thought that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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advertisements
Use synonyms
 have various benefits which positively
influences
Correct subject-verb agreement
influence
show examples
 on
person
Add an article
the person
a person
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 and on business too,
Linking Words
however
Add the comma(s)
,however
show examples
 others think that
advertisements
Use synonyms
 have more negative effects rather than
positive
Correct pronoun usage
onespositive
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.
Advertisements
Use synonyms
, in my opinion, as a tool which helps to appeal
Use synonyms
Change preposition
to people
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people
Change noun form
people's
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 attention to new
products
Use synonyms
however
Linking Words
 not all
products
Use synonyms
 have positive intentions. In
forthcoming
Correct article usage
the forthcoming
show examples
 paragraphs, I shall discuss and give reasons for my opinion. On the one hand,
advertisements
Use synonyms
 became a key which helps for company to stand out from others in
global
Correct article usage
the global
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 market
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and appeal
more
Change preposition
to more
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 customers for
economy
Replace the word
economic
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 growth. Advertising can encourage companies to compete and provide new
products
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 encourages more consumers to buy because these
products
Use synonyms
 meet the needs and
wants
Change the verb form
want
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 of more consumers, by
this
Linking Words
, the economy is positively affected.
In addition
Linking Words
, advertising can help create more jobs. As the demand for
products
Use synonyms
 and services goes up because of advertising, more
people
Use synonyms
 are needed to manufacture, supply, ship and test those
products
Use synonyms
 and services.
Therefore
Linking Words
, more jobs are created.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, advertising aims to present a
product
Use synonyms
 in the best light possible,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 the problem arises when
the
Correct article usage
apply
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dramatization crosses the line into falsely representing a
product
Use synonyms
.
Use synonyms
Add an article
The product
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Product
Fix the agreement mistake
Products
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 can be embellished and not look the same as in advertisement and
create
Wrong verb form
creating
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 false expectations of customers.
Also
Linking Words
,
advertisements
Use synonyms
 impact
on
Change preposition
apply
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how
people
Use synonyms
 feel about themselves — often in a negative way, by presenting in advertisement models, who are
extremally
Replace the word
extremely
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 slim and pretty, which leads to the fact that
people
Use synonyms
 are trying to achieve the same slimness and
for
Change preposition
apply
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the pursuit of
this
Linking Words
 beauty,
people
Use synonyms
 face health problems as many stops eating trying to lose weight. Overall,
advertisements
Use synonyms
 play
huge
Add an article
a huge
show examples
 role in appealing
Use synonyms
Change preposition
to people
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people
Change noun form
people's
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 attention and in
product
Use synonyms
 promotion,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 some
advertisements
Use synonyms
 create
fake
Add an article
a fake
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expectation
Fix the agreement mistake
expectations
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 about the
product
Use synonyms
 by embellishment their
product
Use synonyms
 appearance.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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