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Writing Samples /
Band 5

many countries use fossil fuels such as coal or oil as the main sources of energy. however, in some countries the use of alternative sources of energy is encouraged. do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#countries #fuels #oil #sources #energy #alternative #development
In the present days, since
oil
 and coal are emitting
harm
Replace the word
harmful
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 substances into the air, scientists and environmental agencies are encouraging to use
Change preposition
of environmental
show examples
environmental
Change the adjective
environmentally
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 friendly
energy
 sources. Ones can suggest that transferring to replaceable
energy
 sources is advantageous, while
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
 consider that it has drawbacks. In my opinion, it has
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
 impact and
this
 essay will outline reasons for that.
Firstly
, if the world is transferred for the use of altered
energy
fuel
 rather than
oil
 and coal, individuals employed in
oil
 industries will list their job places.
For instance
, due to
replacement
Correct article usage
the replacement
show examples
 of
oil
 and coal by other alternatives the demand and
accordingly
 price of
oil
 and coal will be dropped.
This
 will lead to unnecessary staff engaged in these industries so
extreme
Change the article
an extreme
the extreme
show examples
 number of personnel will be realised
from
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apply
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by their employers.
In addition
, unemployment will lead to increased robbery, depression and poverty
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Thus
, all these factors
such
 as unemployment and negative outcomes of it
such
 as
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
anxiety or a mental disorder along with a poor community and
thieft
Correct your spelling
theft
 have
negative
Add an article
a negative
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 impact.
Secondly
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
countries
Add an article
the countries
show examples
 are not ready for alternative ways of
fuel
, since it requires a lot of effort and research.
Moreover
,
this
demads
Correct your spelling
demands
demand
 funds and extra budget which could pose pressure for the administration and population as well.
For instance
, not being able to have and provide appropriate technologies and procedures for the development of
oil
 and coal replacement and
also
 not having needed qualified personnel
require
Add the particle
to require
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 thorough preparation and sponsorship, so it could
brings
Change the verb form
bring
show examples
 drawbacks
such
 as failure and
lose
Replace the word
loss
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 of money
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the government.
This
 could lead to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
political and economical disorder.
Therefore
, not detailed investigation and sufficient
preprafness
Correct your spelling
preparedness
 and professionals prior to change into other
fuel
 use could bring out extra unneeded expenses and collapse in the society. In conclusion, nowadays
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
alternative
energy
fuel
such
 as solar or wind
energy
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 often discussed and dreamed of by the world.
However
, while
ones
Correct pronoun usage
some
show examples
 think that it has advantages, others state that it is not beneficial for us. From my perspective,
oil
 and gas should not be replaced since it could have negative results
such
unemployed
Change preposition
as unemployed
show examples
 people in
oil
Correct article usage
the oil
show examples
 and coal industries and political and economical collapse.
Submitted by zhadym on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • renewable energy
  • solar power
  • wind energy
  • hydroelectricity
  • geothermal
  • biomass
  • sustainability
  • fossil fuels
  • greenhouse gases
  • carbon footprint
  • sustainable development
  • energy efficiency
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • ecosystems
  • natural resources
  • energy consumption
  • carbon emissions
  • environmental degradation
  • technological advancements
What to do next:
Look at other essays: