It is better for children to grow up in the countryside than in a big city. Do you agree or disagree? Use specIt is better for children to grow up in the countryside than in a big city. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to develop your essay.
There is a continuous debate
whether
or not it is good for children to spend their initial years in rural Change preposition
about whether
areas
as opposed to in centre
of metropolitan Add an article
the centre
areas
. I believe, from two key aspects, that they should grow up outside of busy big cities; namely, they can enjoy close and warm human relationships and also
they can acquire significant benefits from the good natural environments and can grow healthier.
The first fundamental reason for young kids should spend their early years in countrisides
is the merit they can obtain from their deep relationships Correct your spelling
countries
among
Change preposition
with
people
living there. For example
, unlike crowded cities where people
do not know each other, in many societies in local small towns, people
know each other well and care about their own neighbours. Children are raised as the family members of the society and they can enjoy the feeling of belongingness. This
is a great asset for kids and young adults throughout their entire lives.
The second most signicant
benefit for young Correct your spelling
significant
people
to spend their early days in countryside
is that Add an article
the countryside
natural
environments in those Correct article usage
the natural
areas
can provide tremendous good effects to
their physical health. Change preposition
on
For instance
, as opposed to large dense places, Correct article usage
the countrysides
countrysides
Fix the agreement mistake
countryside
have
fewer houses, less noise, Correct subject-verb agreement
has
much
Correct word choice
and much
fewer wastes
and Fix the agreement mistake
less waste
instead
, they have plenty of open spaces, more trees and green fields. Atmospheric
environment is much better there and far less pollution Add an article
The atmospheric
exits
. All of these conditions give a wonderful background for children to build physical health in their early days.
In conclusion, as discussed above, raising young kids in rural places as opposed to in crowded metropolitan Correct your spelling
exists
areas
has huge advantages. They can develop warm human relationships derived from the close relationship
among the Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
people
in the area as well they can grow to be mentally and physically robust adults thanks to the places' better natural environments. Overall
, they can be stronger human beings who have clear
sense of belongingness among the Add an article
a clear
people
they lived when
they Change preposition
with when
are
small.Wrong verb form
were
Submitted by michima2011 on
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task response
Your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task and presents a well-developed response. Your ideas are relevant and well-supported throughout the essay, contributing to a comprehensive answer to the question. Well done!
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a good overall logical structure and the introduction and conclusion are well-presented. However, there are some minor issues with coherence and cohesion in the body paragraphs. Try to use more linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your ideas and create stronger connections between sentences and paragraphs.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite
