It is better for children to grow up in the countryside than in a big city. Do you agree or disagree? Use specIt is better for children to grow up in the countryside than in a big city. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to develop your essay.

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There is a continuous debate
whether
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about whether
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or not it is good for children to spend their initial years in rural
areas
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as opposed to in
centre
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the centre
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of metropolitan
areas
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. I believe, from two key aspects, that they should grow up outside of busy big cities; namely, they can enjoy close and warm human relationships and
also
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they can acquire significant benefits from the good natural environments and can grow healthier. The first fundamental reason for young kids should spend their early years in
countrisides
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countries
is the merit they can obtain from their deep relationships
among
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with
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people
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living there.
For example
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, unlike crowded cities where
people
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do not know each other, in many societies in local small towns,
people
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know each other well and care about their own neighbours. Children are raised as the family members of the society and they can enjoy the feeling of belongingness.
This
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is a great asset for kids and young adults throughout their entire lives. The second most
signicant
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significant
benefit for young
people
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to spend their early days in
countryside
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the countryside
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is that
natural
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the natural
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environments in those
areas
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can provide tremendous good effects
to
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on
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their physical health.
For instance
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, as opposed to large dense places,
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the countrysides
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countrysides
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countryside
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have
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has
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fewer houses, less noise,
much
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and much
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fewer wastes
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less waste
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and
instead
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, they have plenty of open spaces, more trees and green fields.
Atmospheric
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The atmospheric
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environment is much better there and far less pollution
exits
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exists
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. All of these conditions give a wonderful background for children to build physical health in their early days. In conclusion, as discussed above, raising young kids in rural places as opposed to in crowded metropolitan
areas
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has huge advantages. They can develop warm human relationships derived from the close
relationship
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relationships
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among the
people
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in the area as well they can grow to be mentally and physically robust adults thanks to the places' better natural environments.
Overall
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, they can be stronger human beings who have
clear
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a clear
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sense of belongingness among the
people
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they lived
when
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with when
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they
are
Wrong verb form
were
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small.
Submitted by michima2011 on

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task response
Your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task and presents a well-developed response. Your ideas are relevant and well-supported throughout the essay, contributing to a comprehensive answer to the question. Well done!
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a good overall logical structure and the introduction and conclusion are well-presented. However, there are some minor issues with coherence and cohesion in the body paragraphs. Try to use more linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your ideas and create stronger connections between sentences and paragraphs.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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