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Writing Samples
Band 7

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?

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Many full-
time
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 employees are not getting enough
time
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 to focus on their physical
fitness
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,
therefore
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 it causes health-related diseases.There are various reasons and solutions for
this
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 situation,which are mentioned in the following paragraphs.
To begin
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 with,out of all causes,the first and fundamental cause is the overburden of responsibilities.The working people not only have duties of their work but
also
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 they have fulfil the responsibilities of families.
As a result
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,they do not have extra
time
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 to spend in the gym.Another significant reason is overtime working hours.In the contemporary era, basic needs are becoming expensive day by day,which is motivating workers to work more hours and get extra income to support their needs.
Due to
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this
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,individuals are skipping their gym and regular exercise.
For Instance
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,various studies conducted in the UK revealed that 25% of employees are demanding extra hours of work.
Thus
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,these are the prime reasons for not getting little
time
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 for physical
fitness
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.
However
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,there are some robust strategies,which can help to motivate workers towards the exercises.
Firstly
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,the government and employers have to take a stand by providing
fitness
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 facilities at their esteemed organisations.
For example
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,google provides many amenities for their employees
such
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 as a gym, a swimming pool and a spa to maintain their physical strength.
Moreover
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,the authorities can spread awareness about health-related problems
such
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 as diabetes and hypertension.
Lastly
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,the government can give away discount vouchers for gyms for working people to motivate regular exercise. In conclusion,irregularity in physical
fitness
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due to
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 an overburdened and expensive market,but people should not forget about their health and utilise some
time
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for ex
Correct your spelling
forex
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task achievement
Your essay would benefit from more specific examples and concrete details to support your points. This will make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Try to refine your transitions between ideas and paragraphs to make your essay flow more smoothly and improve readability. Punctuation issues like spacing between words and after commas should also be addressed.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both parts of the task effectively by discussing reasons and solutions for the lack of exercise among working people.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured and the ideas are presented clearly. Each paragraph focuses on a single aspect of the topic, which helps in maintaining clarity.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Time constraints
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Passive leisure activities
  • Workplace wellness programs
  • Active commuting
  • Subsidized
  • Public awareness
  • Health benefits
  • Incentivizing
  • Accessible public spaces
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