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Band 7

There are several factors that motivate people to stay in the workforce, and money is the most important reason/factor. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#factors #people #workforce #money #reason #factor
Nowadays, some factors are essential inspirations for
people
 to keep working in a company,
such
 as
money
. I believe that
money
 is the most important thing in
people
's
life
.
This
 essay will outline both advantages and disadvantages.
To begin
 with, several benefits are the key factor that motivates
people
 to keep working for an employer.
First
,
money
 is essential for everyone to survive in
this
 world since
money
 forces are the main key feature to drive a world's economy.
For example
,
people
 work seven days a week to receive wages in order to pay loans, insurance, and commodities.
Moreover
, research from the Tokyo institute in 2015 said, the more you had
money
, the more quality of
life
 will happen. A good example of
this
 was when you have the
money
 you can visit good private healthcare
instead
 of public healthcare.
On the other hand
, there are some drawbacks for
people
 who stay in the workforce. Some
people
 are working hard as much as they can, not only to receive salaries but
also
 overtime payments.
For instance
, some citizens in Japan only focus on their job seven days a week, which leads to health problems,
consequently
, the
money
 that they got is going to be paid to the doctor to cure health problems.
Furthermore
, in communist countries,
money
 is not the main factor to live in good quality of
life
.
For example
, the
people
 of North Korea are equal in every section, which means every Korean won they got needs to pay back the government. In conclusion, it can be seen that
money
 can motivate
people
 in some countries, but I totally agree that
money
 is essential to living in
this
 world. If
people
 can manage how to work properly without harming their health, it will lead to wealth and good quality of
life
.
Submitted by arrif_asa on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • basic needs
  • career advancement
  • pension
  • job satisfaction
  • sense of purpose
  • social connections
  • workplace relationships
  • intellectual stimulation
  • societal norms
  • earning potential
  • motivation
  • livelihood
  • financial independence
  • professional growth
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