IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that the (government should provide (assistance) to (all kinds of artists) including painters, musicians, and poets. However, other people think that (this is a waste of money). Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #government #assistance #kinds #artists #painters #musicians #poets #waste #money
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Recent decades have witnessed an ever-increasing number of people urging
governments
Use synonyms
 to support
artists
Use synonyms
 by providing pecuniary
assistance
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others contend that government budgets should be allocated to citizens in need. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will delve into both perspectives. The fundamental reason for providing
artists
Use synonyms
 with certain monetary benefits is that creating a piece of art,
such
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 as a painting, a song or a poem involves an immense amount of time and effort. To illustrate, Vincent Van Goh, who was one of the greatest painters in the world, devoted his whole life to painting. Each of his masterpieces required over 3 years to complete,
whereas
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 he received no income during the entire period until he could find a purchaser for his artwork. It is indisputable that
artists
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 invariably struggle to earn sufficient income to maintain their lives.
Consequently
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, it is fair to demand
governments
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to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
offer appropriate financial
assistance
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 to those
artists
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.
On the contrary
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, there are a staggering number of individuals who ascertain that
governments
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 ought to utilize their budgets wisely,
that is
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, apportion their funds to people in poverty. Poor citizens often lack enough food and they are homeless. These people are urgently in need
,
Correct word choice
and, therefore
show examples
therefore
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, should receive financial
assistance
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 before
artists
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.
Moreover
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, many individuals complain about the limited resources in their healthcare systems. Once they are diagnosed with critical illnesses,
for instance
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, cancer, they must queue for years to use the public medical service. In conclusion, financial
assistance
Use synonyms
 plays a pivotal role in fostering art development in a nation,
nonetheless
Linking Words
, there are plenty of citizens in poverty demanding a helping hand from society. From my perspective, I largely agree that it can be wasteful if
governments
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allocated
Wrong verb form
allocate
show examples
 a significant amount of funds to support
artists
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by yttsui5 on

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coherence
Ensure that each paragraph consistently supports the main point introduced in the topic sentence to maintain coherence.
task response
Provide more detailed examples and explanations to fully substantiate the arguments presented.
introduction/conclusion
The essay presents a clear and thoughtful introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
task response
The examples provided, such as the reference to Vincent Van Gogh, effectively illustrate the points being made.
coherence
There is a logical flow of ideas from one paragraph to the next, enhancing the cohesion of the essay.
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