These days many people leave their country to work abroad and take their family with them. Do you think benefits of this outweigh disadvantages in terms of family development?

In recent years, many people
move
Wrong verb form
have moved
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overseas for employment with their
families
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.
While
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this
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trend presents some disadvantages,
such
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as cultural adaptation challenges and social isolation, it
also
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provides significant benefits, including enhanced career opportunities and improved living
standard
Fix the agreement mistake
standards
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. I definitely believe the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. On the one hand, working abroad presents substantial positive impacts for family development. Primarily,
children
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can learn about diverse cultures and
languages
Punctuation problem
languages,
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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improved
Wrong verb form
improves
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future global prospects.
For example
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, a child who grows up in
multicultural
Correct article usage
a multicultural
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environment often becomes multilingual and
develop
Correct subject-verb agreement
develops
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cross-cultural communication skills that would
helps
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help
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them to reach excellent career opportunities.
Moreover
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, family can improve financial stability when parents secure an excellent job abroad.
This
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economic advantage enables parents to provide good education and healthcare for their
children
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, resulting in enhanced quality of life.
However
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, moving abroad for
being employee
Wrong verb form
employment
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creates disadvantages that can negatively
affects
Correct subject-verb agreement
affect
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families
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. The main reason is cultural
adaption
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adaptation
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challenges, particularly for
children
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who may struggle to adapt to educational systems and social environments.
As a result
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,
children
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can face
extremely
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extreme
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academic stress and emotional issues.
Additionally
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,
families
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often experience social isolation
due to
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linguistic difficulties and limited social networks.
For instance
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,
children
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may face difficulty making friendships and maintaining close relationships from their home country, which can negatively impact their social development and emotional health during crucial adaptation years. In conclusion,
while
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relocating overseas
and
Correct word choice
apply
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also
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bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
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Use synonyms
families
Check wording
apply
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cultural adaptation difficulties and social isolation, the long-term
of
Check wording
benefits of
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enhanced career prospects and improved living standards significantly outweigh the negative effects
for
Change preposition
on
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family development. Through comprehensive planning and proper support,
families
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can successfully solve initial problems and
subsequently
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enjoy the new environment.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to that idea. This helps your readers follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
Try to include more specific examples to make your points stronger. This will show you understand the topic better and make your argument more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words (like 'firstly', 'next', 'finally') more to connect your ideas. This will help the flow of your writing.
task achievement
You presented a clear opinion that the benefits of moving abroad outweigh the disadvantages, which is good for task response.
coherence and cohesion
You included both advantages and disadvantages, showing a balanced view of the topic, which is important for argument structure.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • benefit
  • disadvantage
  • family
  • development
  • abroad
  • culture
  • quality of life
  • job
  • salary
  • support
  • money
  • learn
  • challenge
  • bond
  • environment
  • language
  • friends
  • emotional
  • stress
  • happiness
  • adaptability
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