IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In some countries, m any more people are choosing to live alone nowadays than in the past. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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In modern society, the number of single-person households is increasing. There has been discussion on whether living alone could be considered a positive development.
This
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 essay will discuss the advantages and disadvantages caused by
this
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 phenomenon. Admittedly, living alone brings to mind certain positive points. I strongly believe that they will be able to learn about how to manage money. It is the first step to being an adult
to
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for
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 young
people
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 by managing their money.
For instance
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, the younger generation living alone will be able to save money efficiently and manage their assets well.
Also
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, they possibly feel freedom from their parents’ interference.
On the other hand
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, there is still no denying that choosing to live alone has its own drawbacks. Admittedly, living alone brings to mind certain positive points. First of all, if they are in an emergency, nobody can help them.
For example
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, many senior single-person households were dead by accident
such
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 as electric shock or fall because they could not ask for help from anyone. Especially, it is important for elderly
people
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 that live
together with
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 their families for their safety.
Furthermore
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, in some countries, in many single-person ,households young females are mainly targeted by an unidentified assailant. Unfortunately, many young
people
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 could not avoid the accident.
Therefore
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, many women have a fear of living alone. There is certainly the truth that living alone is dangerous. In conclusion,
although
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 it is true that living alone can give educational benefits. As has been discussed above, the negative points associated with choosing to live alone outweigh its merits. There are many factors which determine if living alone is indeed a positive development.
However
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,
people
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 need to live together for their safety.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Try to avoid repetition in your arguments. You mentioned the positive points of living alone twice which affects the coherence and makes the argument less strong.
Task Achievement
Ensure that your examples are clearly tied to your main points. For instance, the mention of young females being targeted by assailants could be expanded to show how it directly ties into the point you're making about the safety concerns of living alone.
Task Achievement
Clarify your stance whether you believe this trend is more positive or negative. You suggest both sides but conclude with one; ensuring your intention is clear throughout will enhance task achievement.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion, which effectively frame your argument.
Task Achievement
The discussion includes relevant points about managing money and safety concerns, demonstrating an awareness of different aspects of the issue.
Task Achievement
You effectively state the topic being discussed and indicate that you will explore both sides of the argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • individualism
  • self-reliant
  • social isolation
  • mental health
  • economic growth
  • housing demand
  • societal norms
  • traditional family structures
  • environmental sustainability
  • work-life balance
  • personal space management
  • life satisfaction
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