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Writing Samples /
Band 8

It is more important for a building to be functional than beautiful. Architects should not worry about designing buildings as works of art. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#architects #buildings #works #art
Some
people
 argue that establishments should be more beautiful than functional.
However
, my view of
this
 issue is that buildings should be constructed functionally, especially, on the point of safety
first,
and
then
 need to be beautiful for
people
’s mental as well.
To begin
 with, architects should consider what a building’s function is. Basically, a building has a function that
people
 enter and stay there. That’s why its safety should be the highest priority. If it has a problem related to durability, even if it is really attractive, it is useless.
For example
, in Korea, there was a big issue about an apartment. The apartment didn’t have core structures at underground parking lots so the whole building was found to be unstable. Many
people
 who planned to move into it were concerned about
this
 establishment and complained about the company that built it.
Nevertheless
, I think that the functional aspect of buildings is more important than the beauty of those, but those designs could play a critical role as well. Wonderful buildings make
people
, who use or just pass by them, feel touched or
recharge
Wrong verb form
recharged
show examples
. They can let workers or residents take a break
as well as
 pedestrians change their feelings.
For instance
, AMOREPACIFIC, a Korean cosmetic company, was built with great gardens on every floor. It has, definitely, offered rest places to the employees who work for a long time and it has helped them to reduce their stress.
To sum up
, I firmly believe that it is the most important for a building to be safe
while
 I partly agree that it needs to be beautiful at the same time.
Submitted by a46615883 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and well-organized structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Good job!
coherence cohesion
While your essay is comprehensive and relevant, you could further improve your coherence and cohesion by using more varied transitional phrases to link your ideas smoothly.
task achievement
You've provided a complete response to the task and clearly stated your position. To enhance this further, consider adding more varied vocabulary and sentence structures to make your ideas even more engaging.
task achievement
Your use of examples is relevant and helps to support your main points effectively. Keep up the good work!
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states your point of view and sets the stage for the rest of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, which is well-supported by examples.
task achievement
You have articulated your ideas clearly and logically, which makes your argument easy to follow.
task achievement
The examples provided are relevant and illustrate your points effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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