IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

Some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that giving
children
Use synonyms
 complete
freedom
Use synonyms
 to make everyday
decisions
Use synonyms
 may result in a selfish generation that only prioritises personal desires.
However
Linking Words
, it is my firm conviction that allowing young
people
Use synonyms
 to participate in
decisions
Use synonyms
 that affect them is essential because it develops responsibility and independent thinking.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, making choices helps
children
Use synonyms
 become more responsible individuals.
This
Linking Words
 is primarily because when young
people
Use synonyms
 are involved in decision-making, they must face the consequences of their actions.
For example
Linking Words
, if a child decides how to organise their study time and fails an exam
due to
Linking Words
 poor planning, they learn an important lesson about responsibility. As a direct result, they are more likely to improve their behaviour in the future.
Therefore
Linking Words
, controlled
freedom
Use synonyms
 teaches
children
Use synonyms
 how to manage their choices effectively, which is a crucial skill in adult life.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, participating in everyday
decisions
Use synonyms
 strengthens critical thinking and confidence.
While
Linking Words
 some may argue that too much
freedom
Use synonyms
 encourages selfish behaviour, they overlook the fact that proper guidance can prevent
this
Linking Words
 problem. When parents discuss options with their
children
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of giving strict rules, young
people
Use synonyms
 learn to consider different perspectives.
This
Linking Words
 process helps them understand that their choices can affect others as well.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 develop empathy with
this
Linking Words
 independence, which reduces the risk of self-centred attitudes. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 unlimited
freedom
Use synonyms
 without supervision may create issues with
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
, I am utterly convinced that involving
children
Use synonyms
 in
decisions
Use synonyms
 that influence their lives is highly valuable.
This
Linking Words
 is because it strengthens responsibility and builds essential thinking skills needed for the future. (261 words, 38 min)

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Discuss both sides more evenly and give a clear counter-idea with a small rebuttal.
coherence
Use more linking words to join ideas and show how they relate.
detail
Add more precise examples or details to back up each point.
opinion
Clear view that kids should have a say in choices that affect them.
structure
Good flow of ideas and a steady line of thought.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • autonomy
  • independence
  • critical thinking
  • collective well-being
  • selfishness
  • overemphasis
  • real-world situations
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • boundaries
  • guidance
  • moderation
  • maturity
  • decision-making power
  • personal growth
  • social awareness
What to do next:
Look at other essays: