IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people claim tobacco has brought social problems and smoking should be banned. To extend do you agree or disagree?

#people #tobacco
The consumption of
tobacco
 is increasing nowadays. Many people think that
tobacco
 has some negative impacts on society and should be prohibited. I strongly agree with the statement because consuming
tobacco
 can bring serious health problems and it affects the community.
First
, consuming
tobacco
 increases the risks for cancers at 13 sites, particularly the lung, and for heart disease, stroke, and chronic obstructive pulmonary disease. Banned the production and distribution of
this
 product will help the government to mitigate these risks.
For example
, Indonesia is a country that does not implement strict regulations on
tobacco
, in recent years, the number of cancer patients has increased in line with the number of
tobacco
 consumers. So, it clearly has a correlation between the impacts and governance control.
Second
, not only will bring harmful to its smokers, but
tobacco
 smoke
also
 has a bad effect on the people around the smokers. People around
tobacco
 smokers will breathe in the smoke and even more damage as passive enjoyers.
For instance
, secondhand smoke is contaminated by the person who is smoking and inhales that poison gas, which was doubly contaminated, more than smoking it. Because the government does not implement restriction areas for smoking, a citizen will not enjoy the environment and the city they live in.
Therefore
, stoped
this
 product will lead to a healthy environment and increase the quality of society as a whole. Overall,
tobacco
 has many disadvantages for its consumer and society. Prohibiting
this
 plant will help the authority control serious diseases and make the environment healthier.
Submitted by Putriaaa on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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