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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

It is often argued that as nuclear technology threatens the peace of the world, it should be restricted.

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It is often argued that as nuclear
technology
Use synonyms
 threatens the peace of the world, it should be restricted. From my perspective,
this
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 viewpoint is not entirely convincing as nuclear development can offer substantial advantages to society. Admittedly, nuclear
technology
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 may have negative effects, threatening the world with its danger.
Firstly
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,
technology
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 could be abused and misused by
community
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the community
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.
For example
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, in a war, nuclear
technology
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 could be used to create newly developed weapons, which could seriously threaten human beings.
Secondly
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, nuclear experiments could cause unexpected results without proper regulation.
In other words
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, nuclear innovation could unintentionally lead to counterproductive consequences, as all factors could not be totally considered and calculated by scientists. In
this
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 context, it is understandable why some
people
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 insist the use of the
technology
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 should be discouraged.
Nevertheless
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, nuclear development provides significant benefits for society.
To begin
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 with, nuclear power can be used as sustainable
energy
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. In
this
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 modern era, human beings are currently facing
the
Correct article usage
a
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 lack of natural resources.
However
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, nuclear
energy
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 can be replaced with other resources
such
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 as coal and oil.
Furthermore
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, nuclear
technology
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 can contribute to the higher efficiency of
energy
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, helping
people
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 to save costs by using nuclear power.
For example
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, if nuclear power plants are established in the local community,
people
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 in the area can enjoy cheaper
energy
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 than other communities.
Thus
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, nuclear
technology
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 can play a vital role in ensuring resource abundance and in promoting the well-being of
people
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. In
this
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 respect, the use of nuclear innovation should be encouraged. In conclusion, nuclear development can have positive effects on society. As previously discussed, it can offer resource security and a high standard of living. Even though nuclear
technology
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 could be misused in some cases, proper supervision and sophisticated care could lower the danger of it.
Therefore
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,
people
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 should keep encouraging the progress of nuclear
energy
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task achievement
While your essay presents a complete response, providing clear and comprehensive ideas, it would benefit from the inclusion of more specific and varied examples to strengthen the arguments. This will make your points more persuasive and relevant to the task.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a good logical structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. To enhance cohesion further, consider using more transitional phrases and connectors between sentences and paragraphs. This will improve the flow of ideas and make your argument more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and well-defined introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing your argument effectively.
coherence cohesion
The main points in your essay are well-supported and logically structured, making your argument coherent and easy to follow.
task achievement
You provide a balanced discussion, acknowledging potential dangers of nuclear technology while also highlighting its benefits. This adds depth to your essay and demonstrates critical thinking.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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