Some people say that the government should spend more money taking care of elderly people while others think that government spending should be spent more on the education of young people. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #government #money #care #education

The prosperity of a nation depends upon the policies made by its government. It is a common belief among some individuals that the administration should contribute more funds to look after the old people

while

others argue that the money should be spent on educating teenagers. In my opinion, I personally believe that a good amount of funds could be shared to educate the youngsters because they are the building blocks of a country. The young generation can convert the misfortune of a state into a bright future. A good quality education

system

would bring up children with unique ideas, and they learn different things that are beneficial for their practical

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

For instance

, Finland has spent a lot on their education,

therefore

, they have the best education

system

in the world.

Such

students would be able to establish companies and firms that are helpful to their economy. The

system

should invest in educating their young masses

that

Correct pronoun usage

which

show examples

would be fruitful for the nation.

On the other hand

, old and retired people

also

play a crucial part in society. We could provide basic facilities to our senior citizens, so they would live a peaceful life. Health and residential funds should be raised to act upon

this

idea,as it encourages a better quality of life among them. They would be treated politely

due to

their contributions to the nation. If they were government employees

then

it is essential to give them a considerable pension. In conclusion,

whereas

, the state would facilitate their retired persons, it is more worth considering

to provide

Change the verb form

providing

show examples

high standard

Add a hyphen

high-standard

show examples

schooling

system

for a bright future.

Submitted by kamiawan3233 on Wed Oct 30 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that the ideas are logically organized within the paragraphs.

task achievement

While the essay provides a complete response to the task, ensure all points have balanced analysis.

coherence cohesion

The essay contains a strong introduction and conclusion that frame the discussion well.

task achievement

You used relevant examples, such as the education system in Finland, to support your points effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

268 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6.5
band
Nowadays, more and more older people who are looking for work have to compete with younger people for the same job. What problemes does this came? What are some possibles solutions?
In our time old people need to work harder to compete with young people in the exact jobs, which makes old people get more tired and makes their lives more difficult, we need to allocate some kind of work for the elderly.
7.5
band
Some people think that hard work and determination are the keys to success in life. Some, on other hand, think that there are other factors behind a successful life. Give your opinion.
Regarding my work experience, during the last academic year in my BS, which is known as ‘The Internship’, the general clinical rotations were deeper in knowledge about Pediatrics, Surgery, and Gynecology and Obstetrics, and my elective program consisted of seven months related to Internal Medicine. Subsequently, after my graduation, my clinical performance was focused on the Internal Medicine field mainly related to critical care, emergency room, and inpatient health care. Additionally, taking specific continuing education courses to learn the most innovative strategies about COVID-19 management and The Fundamental Critical Care Support certified by The Society of Critical Care Medicine.
4.5
band
The growed number of overweight people is puttings a strain on the health care systems in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people thinks that the best way to deal with this problems is to introduced more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Owing to the problems which a growing population of overweight people cause for the health care system, some people think that the key to solvings these issues is to have more sport and exercise in schools. In my opinions, I completely agrees that this is the best way to tackle the issue of deterioratings public health in relation to weight.
5.5
band
You recently attended a conference and you would like to give a presentation about the information you gained by attending the conference. Write a letter to your manager asking for permission to give a presentation. In your letter: describe what type of presentation you have in mind what topics it would cover and how long it would take who should participate in the presentation and where should it be conducted You do NOT need to write any address. You should write at least 150 words.
I am writing to thank you the opportunity for being in the last conference about the advancements of technology in our profesion, that took place in Cosentino's showroom last Sunday.
5
band
Some people say that the only reason for learning a foreign language is in order to travel or work in a foreign country. Others say that these are not the only reason why someone should pearn a foreign language. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
The demand for educating a non-native language is ever-increasing in the modernized world. A few people argue that the only purpose of learning an external language is for working or travelling, while others believe that there are many more reasons to this trend. Both these views will be explained and given a conclusion.

Some people say that the government should spend more money taking care of elderly people while others think that government spending should be spent more on the education of young people. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Nowadays, more and more older people who are looking for work have to compete with younger people for the same job. What problemes does this came? What are some possibles solutions?

Some people think that hard work and determination are the keys to success in life. Some, on other hand, think that there are other factors behind a successful life. Give your opinion.

Some people say that the only reason for learning a foreign language is in order to travel or work in a foreign country. Others say that these are not the only reason why someone should pearn a foreign language. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.