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Band 6

It is suggested that everyone should have a car, a television and a fridge. Do disadvantages of this development for society outweigh advantages?

#car #television #fridge #development #society
We live in a world, where electronic devices have made our lives
more and more easier
Change the word
easier and easier
easier
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 than
the
Change preposition
in the
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 past Many
Correct your spelling
believe
beleive
Correct your spelling
believe
 almost all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 should possess a car, a television and a
refrigerator
. I oppose the
above mentioned
Add a hyphen
above-mentioned
show examples
 view and my reasons have been explained in the following paragraphs. In the present scenario, the greatest satisfaction of
majority
Add an article
the majority
a majority
show examples
 of the
people
 is having their basic human needs to be met. Many countries around the globe are struggling with the prevailing crucial problems in the country.
For instance
, economic crisis and political stability have provoked  its
people
 to engage in pursuing their daily expenses.
Moreover
, most of their lives have become complicated and purchasing
an
Change the word
their
show examples
 own vehicle is only a dream for many of them.
Nevertheless
,
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
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 cars on streets benefit the environment by reducing toxic gas emissions to the atmosphere as well as the human in a certain way since resource depletion and environmental pollution have become critical problems in the world.
In addition
,many
people
 are busy most of the time with their work and they gain only less time to spend with their families.Watching Tv
,
Add a missing verb
is,therefore
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therefore
,
an
Add a missing verb
is an
show examples
addictable
Correct your spelling
addictive
 pass time activity
which
Correct word choice
that
show examples
Correct your spelling
cut off
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cutoff
Correct your spelling
cut off
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people
 from their real lives.
Furthermore
,the more they watch Tv,the more they consume junk food as well as the less they engage in doing exercises.
Similarly
,
people
 should focus on whole family activities to strengthen their family bonds.
Likewise
,the
refrigerator
 is
also
 not an essential home appliance,which needs
high
Add an article
the high
a high
show examples
 capacity of electricity.Our ancestors were able to manage their
day to day
Add a hyphen
day-to-day
show examples
 activities by applying their own old techniques
instead
 of using a
refrigerator
. In conclusion,I believe since we have better alternatives,it is not essential to possess
an
Change the word
your
show examples
 own car,a television as well as a
refrigerator
.
Submitted by poojatharuka on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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