IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think that the best way to improve road safety is to increase the minimum legal age for driving a car or motorbike. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #road #safety #age #car #motorbike
In some countries, the minimum legal
age
 for driving is different. In some
countries
Add a comma
,countries
show examples
 you can start driving from 16, in
another
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
 only from 20 and they have explained
this
 rule. But sometimes people think that to improve
road
 safety is to increase the minimum legal
age
 for driving.
From
Change preposition
On
show examples
 1 side I agree, but
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
 another – disagree. I agree
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because I think that
start
Wrong verb form
starting
show examples
 drive from 16
its
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 too early.
In
Change preposition
At
show examples
this
age
 person only start to take shape
Change preposition
as in
show examples
in
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
adult
Replace the word
adulthood
show examples
 and cannot yet be a full-fledged
road
 user. Because of hormones,
reaction
Add an article
the reaction
a reaction
show examples
 can be slower,
you
Correct word choice
and you
show examples
 can be distracted, but on the
road
, you need to have mind sharpness, and be concentrated on
road
Add an article
the road
show examples
. But I have arguments
why
Change preposition
for why
show examples
 I disagree.
Firstly
, in my
view
Add a comma
,view
show examples
 it’s okay to drive from 16 years old
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if rules decrease car/motorcycle power. I think
this
 solution is better than increasing the driving
age
. In
this
 way, a person will start driving from being younger,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 means will get more
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
show examples
 and after some time can drive
B category
Add a hyphen
B-category
show examples
 cars
safely
Correct quantifier usage
more safely
show examples
 than
person
Add an article
a person
show examples
 without driving
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
show examples
.
Last
Change the article
The last
show examples
 argument why I disagree is that in my view, the government can find much better solutions for
safe
Replace the word
safety
show examples
 on the
road
. One of the best, I think,
its
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
increase
Replace the word
increased
show examples
 bills for using mobile phones.
Biggest
Correct article usage
The biggest
show examples
 part catastrophes are happening when
driver
Fix the agreement mistake
drivers
show examples
distracted
Add a missing verb
are distracted
show examples
 or just don’t look
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the
road
. In
this
 situation, the minimum driving
age
don’t
Change the verb form
doesn’t
show examples
 have any impact. In
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
show examples
 I can say, that
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 crushes do people, who have a lot of driving experience. Their reaction is faster, they know what they need to do in extreme situations. And as everyone knows, the best way you can get experience is to try
this
 activity. So, in my view, the best way to increase safety is to decrease cars' power and make much bigger bills for
rule breaking
Add a hyphen
rule-breaking
show examples
.
Submitted by oimigle on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: