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Band 5

Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest times of most people's lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibilities. Agree or disagree essay

#people #years #times #lives #adult #life #happiness #spite #responsibilities
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Many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that adulthood is the most interesting period in
people
Use synonyms
’s lives compared to adolescence despite the fact that there is a high responsibility in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
Use synonyms
. Personally, I reckon that
adult
Correct article usage
the adult
show examples
 years bring more happiness than the
teenager
Replace the word
teenage
show examples
 period, in spite of the greater control.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss how mature
people
Use synonyms
 become delighted by earning enough
money
Use synonyms
 for
life
Use synonyms
 in a stable job, travelling and broadening
minds
Correct pronoun usage
their minds
show examples
.
First
Linking Words
 of all, human beings have graduated
schools
Change preposition
from schools
show examples
 and universities
Linking Words
thus
Correct word choice
and thus
show examples
 are able to get into well-paid jobs and earn
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 fortune. It is suggested that those who have enough
money
Use synonyms
 to spend on themselves are happier than those who
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 to live on a little amount of
money
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, the investigation that was occurred by Doctor Smith from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Cambridge university demonstrated that
people
Use synonyms
 who acquire a livelihood live longer, have
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 higher quality of the
life
Use synonyms
 and are more satisfied
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
themselves compared to those who are not able to work in
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
such young years
a such young year
show examples
such
Linking Words
 young years or because of the academic load.
That is
Linking Words
 why mature years bring more pleasure and satisfaction than the
teenager
Replace the word
teenage
show examples
 period. In the
second
Linking Words
 place, adults who do not have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
age restrictions,
parents’
Correct word choice
or parents’
show examples
 agreement to
travel
Use synonyms
 are happier than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teenagers who have to get permission
paper
Fix the agreement mistake
papers
show examples
,
enough
Correct word choice
and enough
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 in order to
travel
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who
travel
Use synonyms
 more than once a year have broadened minds,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 high quality of
life
Use synonyms
 and are more satisfied
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 themselves because of the hormone which can be released called endorphin that makes
people
Use synonyms
 independent,
powerful
Correct word choice
and powerful
show examples
 and gives motivation.
For example
Linking Words
, the exploration from Drexel university that was done by Doctor Mark showed that the level of endorphin is much higher in the body of
people
Use synonyms
 when travelling,
viewing
Correct word choice
and viewing
show examples
 sightseeing compared to the time of not travelling.
As a result
Linking Words
, there are released more hormones of happiness
such
Linking Words
 as endorphin and dopamine in the body of adults while travelling compared to teenagers who are close to making trips at all. To sum up, adulthood brings more
Fix the agreement mistake
satisfaction
show examples
satisfactions
Correct your spelling
satisfaction
show examples
 to
life
Use synonyms
 than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adolescence because of the ability to make a lot of
money
Use synonyms
, to
travel
Use synonyms
, not
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 age restrictions and not
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
have to get parents’ permission.
Submitted by zhadyra.serikbayeva2016 on

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Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • adolescence
  • fulfillment
  • responsibilities
  • exploration
  • long-term goals
  • sense of stability
  • carefree
  • contentment
  • well-being
  • life stage
  • unique opportunities
  • deep satisfaction
What to do next:
Look at other essays: