IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

Will societies with low birthrates face a crisis in the future?

#societies #birthrates #face #crisis #future
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I agree with the view that societies with low
birthrates
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 face a crisis in the future. Low
birthrates
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 lead to a decrease in innovation, a decrease in tax
revenue
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, and an increase in
load
Correct article usage
the load
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 of young
people
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. Low
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birthrates
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birth rates
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 lead to a decrease in the number of innovations in the country. In general, young
people
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 are good at inventing new ideas because they have flexible brains which are the most important element to
create
Wrong verb form
creating
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 new things. Decreasing in young
people
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 would result in causing
scarce
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scarcity
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 of innovation in the future, making the country’s economy
stagnate
Change the form of the verb
stagnated
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. Another reason is that there is a risk of decreasing in tax
revenue
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that is
Linking Words
 used for sustaining and improving our lives because of
low
Correct article usage
the low
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birthrates
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. The amount of tax the country gains is almost proportional to the number of
people
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 living in the nation. As the number of
people
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 drops,
revenue
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 is reduced as well, so our lives will gradually become more inconvenient by
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
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 of
revenue
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.
Although
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
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population growth has a negative impact on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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global problems
such
Linking Words
 as hunger and global warming, the disadvantages of low
birthrates
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 mentioned above
outweighs
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outweigh
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 the advantages.
Submitted by 2te12226w on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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