Some people suggest that children do not understand the world of work and schools should make all teenagers spend a short time working as well as studying academic subjects. To what extent do you agree?

More and more people believe that
education
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should include practical training, as work
experience
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is considered to be more beneficial. I fully agree with
this
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view, as I believe
education
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opens many doors to high-level opportunities in the future.
To begin
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with, I think
education
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is essential for career development. In fact, broadening the mind through exposure to different experiences fosters creativity and mental flexibility.
Although
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it may be challenging at
first,
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students who seek out information and practical
experience
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often develop valuable independence and become more capable of contributing to their companies and communities. There are numerous benefits to studying through summer training programs. Exposure to new academic and professional environments can significantly enhance students’ intellectual and practical skills.
For example
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, in many countries, ministries of
education
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collaborate with companies to offer summer training, allowing students to gain real-world
experience
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, which promotes personal growth.
Therefore
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, these experiences help them develop vital life skills
such
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as teamwork, communication, and problem-solving.
Additionally
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, studying alongside peers
while
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acquiring new skills often makes students more self-reliant and resourceful.
Education
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has increasingly been recognized as a key driver of progress. A study conducted by Oxford University found that 90% of successful business leaders attribute their achievements to the investment in learning and work
experience
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. In conclusion, despite differing opinions, I firmly believe that the advantages of combining learning with practical work far outweigh the disadvantages. learning and job
experience
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should be prioritized globally, as they form the foundation for future development and prosperity .

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task achievement
Try to include more specific examples from personal experience or specific case studies to support your points more strongly.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph focuses on one clear main idea to improve the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position which is a strong start.
coherence and cohesion
You have good use of transition words which helps with the flow of ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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