IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

A huge amount of money goes towards children's education. In some countries, the government pays some or all of the costs. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#amount #money #children #education #countries #government #costs
Nations
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all
the
Change preposition
over the
show examples
 globe have as a priority
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children’s
education
,
therefore
, countries
pays
Change the verb form
pay
show examples
 almost all the
cost
 of
this
 important issue. In
this
 essay, I will explain the advantages of assuming the
cost
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education
 in their government budget that, clearly, will affect the future of their citizens.
First
 of all, when a country assumes to pay most of the
cost
 of young
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
education
 the benefits will be for all
society
Change preposition
of society
show examples
. By assuming a high percentage of their budget on
education
, the quality of
this
 will improve,
because
Correct word choice
and because
show examples
 of that, the system
education
Change preposition
of education
show examples
 will be better. Another important advantage is with more money to spend, the nations can have more schools,
hence
, the access
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
education
 for
children’s
Change noun form
children
show examples
highly
Replace the word
high
show examples
 growth.
For instance
,
a children
Correct the article-noun agreement
children
a child
show examples
 with
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
scholarship
Fix the agreement mistake
scholarships
show examples
 will achieve better skills for the future and to construct a better
society
.
On the other hand
, spending money
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 only one issue will leave
least
Change the article
the least
show examples
 budget for other important matters,
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 health or employment.
Nevertheless
,
education
 is the base of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
,
thus
, if the state assumed
this
cost
, in a long term, the country would have professional highly qualified and competent.
For example
,
professional
Fix the agreement mistake
professionals
show examples
 that
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 good
education
 have more
option
Fix the agreement mistake
options
show examples
 to have betters skills to cope
the
Change preposition
with the
show examples
 future and
being
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
 a contribution to the nation. To conclude, spending more money on
education
 may be the best option for a nation, thinking in a long term.
Therefore
, people will have more opportunities and a better construction
or
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
 their
society
,
this
 will significantly improve the different
index
Fix the agreement mistake
indexes
show examples
 of a country,
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 quality of life,
education
 system and equality.
Submitted by ealvaradodlf on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: