IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some countries achieve international success by building specialized facilities to train top athletes instead of providing sports facilities that everyone can use. Is it a positive or negative development?

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It is observed that global prestige is achieved by constructing specific premises to upskill elite
athletes
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 in lieu of offering
sports
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facilities
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 for public use in some parts of the world. I believe that
this
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 has detrimental impacts on citizens, despite the fact that it can create favourite conditions for
athletes
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 to prosper. On the one hand, the erection of specialized
facilities
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 for training talented
athletes
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 can facilitate their capacities.
This
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 is because outstanding sportspeople can be given better chances to
further
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 improve themselves, enabling them to maximise their potential.
Therefore
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, they can give optimal performances in global competitions and are more likely to achieve rewards and success in
sports
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, making great contributions to national achievements in
this
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 field.
For instance
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, the Vietnamese government provided funds to establish football institutions
such
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 as Hoang Anh Gia Lai to train and support children who have an innate ability.
As a result
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, numerous young talented football players
such
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 as Xuan Truong and Tuan Anh were trained intensively and excelled in football matches, enhancing the position of Vietnam in international
sports
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.
On the other hand
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,
this
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 propensity can induce two noticeable drawbacks. Chief of these is that it adversely affects public health. More specifically, as the state budget is spent on building
facilities
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 for training top
athletes
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 in lieu of providing community
sports
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facilities
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, there would be a shortage of open areas
such
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 as parks, gardens and squares which offer an abundance of resources for free exercise.
Consequently
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, fewer places are offered for residents to exercise, potentially encouraging a sedentary lifestyle in the community and weakening citizens’ well-being. Another drawback is that it can trigger great dissatisfaction among citizens. As they pay taxes to enrich the government budget they may argue they deserve to receive free fitness equipment and spaces
,
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apply
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 and may feel discontent if the state funding is allocated to serve a small number of recipients only. In conclusion,
although
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 investing in specialized
facilities
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 for professional
sports
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 people only can enhance their performances and improve a nation’s standing, I maintain that its consequences including deteriorating public health and generating dissatisfaction among individuals in society are more significant.

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coherence cohesion
While your essay is well-structured overall, consider using a smoother transition between paragraphs to enhance the logical flow. For example, you could use phrases like 'Moreover,' or 'Additionally,' to bridge your ideas more fluidly.
task achievement
Although your response is comprehensive, you could benefit from elaborating on the less obvious drawbacks of the specialized sports facilities for a fuller picture. For example, you could explore the potential financial burden on taxpayers in more detail.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction that presents your thesis, and a conclusion that effectively summarizes your points.
task achievement
Your arguments are well-supported with relevant examples, particularly the instance about Vietnam's sports facilities, which adds validity to your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • international success
  • specialized facilities
  • top athletes
  • sports facilities
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • excellence in sports
  • lack of access
  • general public
  • international sports events
  • unequal distribution
  • resources
  • inspire
  • motivate
  • aspiring athletes
  • neglecting
  • areas of development
  • contribute to
  • economy
  • excessive focus
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