TOPIC : Advertising discourages us from being individuals by making us all look the same. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Today, more and more advertising companies have grown up for decades.
This
would lead to many audiences who are influenced by the difference in social media selling their products. The tendency will be assimilated by a lot of people buying. I agree with the statement above and will discuss and provide examples below the essay.
To begin
with, there are many advertising communities all around the world. The communities promote their goods and encourage a large group of audience to purchase.
This
will lead to many people purchasing them.
For instance
, the Apple store
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
a majority of electronic devices selling frequently. For some surveys, it is common knowledge that
this
company always promoted and launched their new products a few times per year. That's why I would say it is an assimilating trend by a large group of buyers purchasing new goods.
Moreover
, it is
causing
Verb problem
having
show examples
a big impact on human nature.
For example
, some researchers said that in the modern century, there are many cutting-edge products showing and more convenient for humans working or studying
such
as
using
Verb problem
apply
show examples
laptops,
Ipads
Correct your spelling
iPads
show examples
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
smartphones etc. These electronic devices are nowhere near as difficult to use as other ways.
Therefore
, it will encourage a lot of workers or scholars who buy these devices and look at the same modelling. In a nutshell, advertising discourages people from being human by making them all look the same.
This
tendency may not be good in human nature,
however
,
this
may raise the levels of economic development to prosperity.
Submitted by jimmy.wong.wp on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay presents a clear position on the topic and attempts to support it with examples, but the response is not fully developed and lacks depth. More detailed examples and a deeper analysis of the issue are needed.
coherence and cohesion
The essay lacks a coherent structure and the ideas are not presented in a logical order. There is a need for clearer topic sentences, a stronger introduction, and a more conclusive conclusion.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: