nowadays children spend more time on their phones. Some people think it is a good idea while others disagree. What is your opinion?

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this

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contemporary epoch, the usefulness of smartphones has become a controversial argument. Whilst some proponents emphasize that they have a detrimental impact on youth's lives, some opponents and I adopt a diverse stance because the ubiquity of mobile

phones

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has led to a sedentary lifestyle and poor relations among families. In

this

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essay, my contention will be

further

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elaborated. To embark on, despite having deleterious health problems, cellular

phones

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have become an integral part of teenagers' day.

This

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means that when children find their smartphones always available, they will become more chained to their devices, and

this

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will lead to a plethora of health complications. An eminent example of

this

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is a study conducted by the WHO which has revealed that the rates of childhood obesity and diabetes have dramatically increased

as a result

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of mobile

phones

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Therefore

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, what can be said is that parents should encourage their dependents to abandon their cellular devices.

Furthermore

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, because of the wide availability of cell

phones

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atrocities and crime have pervaded, and parents started suffering from widening the gap among the family.

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, if teenagers are excessively exposed to cellular devices, they will be more affected by what is displayed there.

This

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can be witnessed by the PUBG game which has attracted the attention of a substantial proportion of youth.

Accordingly

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, in a final analysis, atrocities and crimes are increasing at an alarming rate because of video games on cell

phones

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. In conclusion,

after

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this

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essay has manifested the above-mentioned points, it can be reiterated that not only do smartphones affect young people's health, but

also

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they lead to poor relationships among families. Eventually, without parental

supervision

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supervision,

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young people could not have been protected.

Submitted by ericssonsony551 on Sat Nov 19 2022

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task response

The essay provides a balanced view on the issue and appropriately responds to the task prompt. However, the main points are not effectively supported with relevant examples and details. Make sure to provide clear and comprehensive ideas with relevant and specific examples to support the main points.

coherence and cohesion

The logical structure of the essay is generally clear, with an introduction and conclusion present. However, the main points lack proper development and linking of ideas. Work on providing a more cohesive and well-connected flow of ideas to improve coherence and cohesion.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

284 words

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nowadays children spend more time on their phones. Some people think it is a good idea while others disagree. What is your opinion?

One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer. Do you think advantages of this development outweight its disadvantages

Some people think that good health is very important to every person, so medical service should not be run by profit-making companies. Do the advantages of private healthcare outweigh the disadvantages.

Money is important in most people’s lives. Although some people think it is more important than others. What do you feel are the right uses of money? What other factors are important for a good life? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your experience.