nowadays children spend more time on their phones. Some people think it is a good idea while others disagree. What is your opinion?
In
this
contemporary epoch, the usefulness of smartphones has become a controversial argument. Whilst some proponents emphasize that they have a detrimental impact on youth's lives, some opponents and I adopt a diverse stance because the ubiquity of mobile phones
has led to a sedentary lifestyle and poor relations among families. In this
essay, my contention will be further
elaborated.
To embark on, despite having deleterious health problems, cellular phones
have become an integral part of teenagers' day. This
means that when children find their smartphones always available, they will become more chained to their devices, and this
will lead to a plethora of health complications. An eminent example of this
is a study conducted by the WHO which has revealed that the rates of childhood obesity and diabetes have dramatically increased as a result
of mobile phones
. Therefore
, what can be said is that parents should encourage their dependents to abandon their cellular devices.
Furthermore
, because of the wide availability of cell phones
atrocities and crime have pervaded, and parents started suffering from widening the gap among the family. In other words
, if teenagers are excessively exposed to cellular devices, they will be more affected by what is displayed there. This
can be witnessed by the PUBG game which has attracted the attention of a substantial proportion of youth. Accordingly
, in a final analysis, atrocities and crimes are increasing at an alarming rate because of video games on cell phones
.
In conclusion, after
this
essay has manifested the above-mentioned points, it can be reiterated that not only do smartphones affect young people's health, but also
they lead to poor relationships among families. Eventually, without parental supervision
young people could not have been protected.Add a comma
supervision,
Submitted by ericssonsony551 on
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task response
The essay provides a balanced view on the issue and appropriately responds to the task prompt. However, the main points are not effectively supported with relevant examples and details. Make sure to provide clear and comprehensive ideas with relevant and specific examples to support the main points.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is generally clear, with an introduction and conclusion present. However, the main points lack proper development and linking of ideas. Work on providing a more cohesive and well-connected flow of ideas to improve coherence and cohesion.