IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Children today find it’s difficult to concentrate or pay attention in schools. Why do you think causes this problem? What do we need to do to solve this problem?

#children #it’s #attention #schools
Nowadays, it's difficult for students to concentrate or draw
attention
 at
school
. The problem of not having
attention
 at
school
 is caused by the playful behaviour of
children
 and can result in decreasing the level of learning. The possible solution to
this
 issue will be discussed in the following paragraphs.
To begin
,
this
 generation of students is really clever and talented. They don't pay
attention
 to less important or those subjects which they have no passion for.
Moreover
,
for instance
, the teachers of a
school
 in Canada found some girls who were absent from their math class in the backyard, while they were trying hard on designing a robot for a robotic competition.
Therefore
, they want to think and use their brain more for subjects which they like and have advantages for them.
First
 of all, on the one hand, the administrators of high and elementary schools can organize some types of classes in which students can choose their own beloved courses. But absolutely there should be held some essential classes
such
 as mathematics, science, literature and chemistry only in primary
school
 due to the reasons that these are initial courses which a student has to know.
On the other hand
, there should be some prizes or wards for those
children
 who act perfectly in all their classes.
Furthermore
, teachers, administrators and
also
 parents can encourage
children
 to perform their best in their studies and tell them the great impact of their hardworking.
For example
, research by a diligent student at the University of New South Wales in Sydney has displayed that an 11-year-old girl got her wanted stuff after attempting so difficult in a liked class, which she wanted and
this
 action leads to better and harder work for her in the future. According to what has already been discussed in the above paragraphs, the issue of lack of concentration and
attention
 at schools is caused by a lack of their parent's
attention
 and can result in a decline in the
children
's learning.
Submitted by bahar on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: