IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Write about the following topic. With the improvements in today’s health care, society has to care for more and more elderly people. Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in numbers of elderly people today and how can it be managed? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#topic #improvements #today’s #health #care #society #people #numbers
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Elderly families are
one
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 of the communities that we should really take
care
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 of in terms of
health
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. In
this
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 essay, I will explain why the community will be able to handle the increasing figure of elderly and in what way it could be done. In terms of
society
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's capability on taking
care
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 of the elderly, I believe there are three aspects that will help
society
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 in handling
this
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 situation. The
first
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one
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 is the increasing total of specialists. We all know that every year there are a lot of new professors that just graduated from their medical studies, and the figure of new surgeons is not small.
Therefore
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, with the large statistic of experts
that is
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 available, it will be easier for a company to take
care
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 of or do monthly checkups on the elderly. The
second
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one
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 is the advancement of energy technology. In our time there are a lot of new
health
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 technologies that are currently being developed,
one
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 of the most popular
health
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 technologies at
this
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 time is an app called Halodoc.
This
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 app provides the services that doctors usually do but through an online application. By having these applications, it will be easier for
society
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 to handle a large number of elderly people
,
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apply
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 because everyone can access the app freely without any quantity limitation. The
last
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one
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 is a better distribution of
information
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. There are many
health
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 associations that are taking advantage of social media platforms to distribute their knowledge or
information
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 to societies. By having
this
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 kind of
information
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, it is expected that societies can use the
information
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 to take
care
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 of the elderly better. In conclusion, in order to cope with the increasing number of elderly people,
society
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 should take advantage of and maximize three of these aspects.
Submitted by ranimestanboli on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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