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Band 6.5

Many poeple try to achieve success through their career or education. What can success mean to differenet people? What is your view of success?

#poeple #success #career #education #differenet #people
Many people put effort into achieving success from their education or from their career, the definition of success is different for everyone,
however
 in my perspective define of success is being better than your thoughts. It is normal that realisation means different to anyone, it is based on age or might be the goal that they have,
For example
, for teenagers accomplishment means getting wealthy which is considered common at that time period. In terms of the elderly age, many of them think about finding their own place in life.
Moreover
, it means differently to other people that exist, working on your dream job,
also
 having a high salary with many supporters from your back is definitely means to prosperity , everyone. plus it has a special place in their thoughts.
Therefore
, the meaning of attainment may vary depending on the age group. From my own personal view accomplishment is being better than your own thoughts, in reality, if someone in life wants to become
rich
Add an article
a rich
show examples
 person when that person becomes even wealthier than he thought, it is probably the definition of being successful,
however
 even many
human
Change to a plural noun
humans
show examples
 think it is being rich, it is not the case of it, the reason is it is only in finance plus it is not the general meaning of it.
Therefore
 I personally believe when people have exact for their future, it might be much more realistic to achieve. In conclusion, numerous humanity's opinion for achievement is getting high paying job
along with
 having a good state in financial. Even though it is maybe being rich,
however
, I do believe it is greater than your own.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and flows logically to the next.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to back up your points.
Task Achievement
Clarify the main ideas in your view of success to enhance understanding.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame the discussion well.
Task Achievement
You've attempted to include different perspectives on success, which enriches the essay's depth.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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