IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In some countries, young people have become richer, healthier, and live longer, but they are less happy. What are the causes? What can be done to address this situation?

#countries #people #address #situation
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
nowaday
Correct your spelling
nowadays
show examples
 a
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 think that even though young
people
Use synonyms
 have achievements like being wealthier ,healthier and living longer , they are still depressed. It is believed that there are many reasons for
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 it should be tackled by a
number
Use synonyms
 of solutions. There are two compelling reasons that make the younger generation become richer,healthier and live longer.
First
Linking Words
, there are more dramatic changes in modern life like higher workloads and higher incomes which attract young
people
Use synonyms
. They almost work hard without spending time on
Fix the agreement mistake
leisure
show examples
leisures
Correct your spelling
leisure
show examples
 or travel .
For example
Linking Words
, a
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 work in global companies with high pressures to be promoted by the company.
Thus
Linking Words
, they don't have enough private time to take
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rest at home.
Second
Linking Words
, a
number
Use synonyms
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
youngsters
Use synonyms
 were affected by becoming wealthy through social media.
This
Linking Words
 influence makes
youngsters
Use synonyms
 think more and do more jobs to spend assets as they can. somehow, these assets might not bring happiness
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them.
For example
Linking Words
, some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Correct your spelling
riches
richer
richers
Add an article
the richers
show examples
 owned many properties and money when they got old.
However
Linking Words
, some of them could not be blissful because nobody shared these successes with them. Some measures ought to be taken to resolve these prospective issues
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
youngsters
Use synonyms
 should think carefully about their desirable goals which make them happy.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
show examples
 they could balance between work and private life.In fact, the government implements
annual
Correct article usage
an annual
show examples
holidays
Change the noun form
holiday
show examples
 policy for the public.
People
Use synonyms
 can have time to stay with their family and friends which
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 them stress out and create more happiness. A
number
Use synonyms
 of
youngsters
Use synonyms
 can take part in art courses like painting ,
Correct word choice
and handmade
show examples
handmade
Correct word choice
and handmade
show examples
 crafts.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, there are
also
Linking Words
 spirit courses for
people
Use synonyms
 who seek satisfaction in their spirit. In conclusion, while
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
youngsters
Use synonyms
 become richer,healthier and live longer, they could forget some true values of life they should have, it still has various solutions for them to balance it.
Submitted by josynguyen92 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: