IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Most people agree that money cannot be happiness. Why is happiness difficult to define? How can people achieve happiness?

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So commonly is it claimed that money should not be seen as a source of true satisfaction.
Such
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 a position can be explained in various ways, namely by an attempt to deprioritise material values or by a desire to elevate emotional fulfilment. In
this
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 essay, I will examine why happiness is difficult to define and how
people
Use synonyms
 can achieve it.
To begin
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 with, happiness has diverse meanings for everyone. Only when we experience genuine joy firsthand do we understand inner
delight
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
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, individuals may reach
this
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 state at different stages of their lives, going through a sincere sense of well-being. Because personal principles, views and ambitions vary,
people
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 fulfil themselves in their own way, which may seem strange and even unexplainable to others.
For instance
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, a childless couple may describe the day when they
finally
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 adopted a child as the most meaningful milestone for them. For another person, the same emotional peak may come from reuniting with a long-distance friend. A broader example can be seen in Nordic countries, where happiness statistics show that
people
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 may define well-being in different ways, yet still share a generally high level of life satisfaction. I suppose that, in practice,
people
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 can be truly joyful and even achieve their desired level of bliss only if they understand their own desires, have high emotional intelligence, and are open-minded. Admittedly, uplifting experiences may occur in our lives more often unexpectedly than deliberately. In my opinion, sincerity and openness are the keys to true
delight
Use synonyms
,
while
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 emotional numbness and cold-heartedness are its enemies. To illustrate, despite the war, many Ukrainians try to strengthen their inner resilience and make their dreams come true, with the ultimate goal of preserving their mental stability amid chaos.
Therefore
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, they may be described as a resilient nation capable of finding meaning despite the problems they face.
Consequently
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, satisfaction is not only about money
,
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;
show examples
however
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, individuals
also
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 have different understandings of what pure joy is. Having defined a personal term of
delight
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,
people
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 experience it in their own way. Inner fulfilment, emotional resilience, and the ability to understand one’s own desires are fundamental for achieving genuine
delight
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Answer both questions more directly in each body part.
coherence and cohesion
Make your main idea very clear at the start of each paragraph.
task response
Use examples with more clear detail to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a more simple and smooth way.
task response
Some ideas are good, but a few lines are too general.
task response
You answered both parts of the question.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear intro, body, and end.
task response
You use some examples to explain your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Most paragraphs stay on one main point.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • subjective
  • universally
  • cultural differences
  • psychological factors
  • satisfaction with life
  • emotional balance
  • personal achievements
  • social connections
  • fulfilling relationships
  • sense of belonging
  • sense of purpose
  • physical health
  • well-being
  • financial stability
  • mindfulness
  • gratitude
  • positive thinking
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