Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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A topic has emerged in contemporary society, which is some people believe that being famous for being wealthy and charming

instead

Linking Words

of achievements is

Correct article usage

apply

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detrimental

tend

Verb problem

apply

show examples

to the young. Personally, I am strongly convinced by

this

Linking Words

point, it is not a good phenomenon both for celebrities and youngsters, and my reasons will be given in the essay.

To begin

Linking Words

with, influenced by

such

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idols, students may not focus on their academic learning. The teenager may see glamour and wealth as a worthy pursuit,

hence

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they could not be interested in learning.

For instance

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, many students in high school want to become a singer or sports players, and some of them

also

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want to be successful easily by their appearance with no effort.

By contrast

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, if the idol is famous for his accomplishment, a good example could be set,

therefore

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it could be an inspiration to teenagers to improve their learning performance. What is more, the careers of celebrities will be damaged by

this

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trend as well. It is obvious that a notion will certainly come to their mind, which is that there is no need

of improving

Change preposition

to improve

show examples

professional skills since the accomplishment which needs no effort is exposed to them. That means they lost opportunities to bring more and better work. As an example, Zhang Yixing ,a Chinese singer, stopped his steps when he became famous and was satisfied with his glamour,

then

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he made progress at singing no more. In conclusion, I firmly believe that seeking wealth and glamour rather than high results is detrimental to young generations. I would recommend ignoring a wealthy lifestyle actively advertised by the media.

1022257956Mon Nov 21 2022

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supports the main argument effectively. Use linking words and transitions to improve the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.

task achievement

Provide more specific examples to support your arguments. Ensure that the response fully addresses all aspects of the essay prompt and supports a clear position on the issue.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

272 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

glamour
wealth
achievements
portrayed
overshadow
influenced
lifestyles
unrealistic
expectations
values
promoting
hard work
perseverance
inspire
positive impact

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Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Despite improvements in vehicle technology, there are still large numbers of road accidents. Explain some of the causes of this accidents, the suggest some measures that could be taken to address the problem.

Some people claim that museums and art galleries are not needed today because everyone can see historical objects or art works by computer. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many museums charge for admissions while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

In many countries governments are investing in new technology to deal with the public. Why is this happening? Do you think this is an approriate use of government money?