IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Prison is the common way in most countries to solve the problem of crime. However, a more effective solution is to provide people with a better education. Agree or disagree?

#prison #countries #crime #people #education
Criminals are one of the hard challenges which most countries have to deal with. There is a school of thought regarding jailing
is
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
 a normal way to cope with criminals' problems,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
people
 have come up with a more effective solution which provides
people
 with better
education
. Personally, I would argue against
this
 idea as there is no proof that
people
 will tend to reduce doing illegal things if they have been well educated. There are compelling reasons
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
as to why there will be some
people
 doing bad things regarding their awareness and outer effects. Regarding the former, some
people
 will be likely to ignore what they have been taught and do what they want despite its consequences.
For instance
, there
is little
Verb problem
are
show examples
school
Fix the agreement mistake
few schools
show examples
having
Wrong verb form
that have
show examples
 100 per cent
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
great students because some do not adopt the given knowledge. With respect to the latter, there are several reasons
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
make a person become a criminal. In fact, one of them could be the financial pressure which forces them to steal money for their living, the other factor may be violence from their parents, and they will follow
to do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
what they have absorbed.
However
, I am
also
 convinced that our
education
 system may not meet the requirement to provide
people
 with better
education
. In the first place, providing good conditions
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 learning in a wide range will cost a lot of money.
Furthermore
, sending criminals to prison is a method of pushing for what they have done. In conclusion,
while
 there are justifications for providing
people
 with better
education
, I would contend that jailing them will be a more effective way.
Submitted by oosc.1601 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Provide a clear position and support it with relevant arguments and examples. Ensure that all parts of the prompt are addressed.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that ideas are logically organized and connected through the use of appropriate linking devices. Also, pay attention to the use of cohesive devices within and between sentences.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: