Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar ,which causes many health problems .Sugary products shoud be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar . do you agree or disagree ?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #shoud #people

The debate over the way high

prices

of sugar-containing foods and drinks influence

people

has sparked considerable controversy.

While

some argue that

this

shift only encourages resentment, I vehemently advocate for its effectiveness on

people

's tendency towards a healthier diet.

To begin

with, making these goods expensive, a generous proportion of consumers will be deterred.

This

population contains those with economic hardships, leaving the market to only the wealthy ones;

therefore

, the

overall

sugar consumption of the countries would plummet.

Moreover

, the remaining affluent ones' sugar intake

also

dwindles as they may consider the

prices

unreasonable and would purchase these products occasionally.

Additionally

, the stimulating appearance of

such

foods would be

dampen

Wrong verb form

dampened

show examples

when

people

see the

prices

, which

further

hinders them from buying them and

ultimatly

Correct your spelling

ultimately

intaking

Verb problem

taking

show examples

less sugar. Take Iranians as an example; who'd been suffering from diabetes until a

decate

Correct your spelling

decade

ago, when candy

prices

skyrocketed and diabetes rate plunged

subsequently

This

highlights that individuals from any socioeconomic level would find the prohibitively expensive products unnecessary to buy.

On the other hand

, some may claim that only a handful of

people

would be deterred and the rest would rebel against the market. Their anger

accumulating

Wrong verb form

accumulates

show examples

further

, it breeds resentment and a

dispise

Correct your spelling

despise

against the government.

Consequently

, they'd make

less

Change the quantifier

fewer

show examples

contributions to society, perpetuating an unharmonious community and

Change the article

show examples

economic downturn, marking the approach as counter-productive. To illustrate, a renowned Iranian cookie brand once experienced being rejected by its customers

due to

heightened

prices

, prior to its

bankrupcy

Correct your spelling

bankruptcy

However

this

perspective overlooks the fact that

corrportaions

Correct your spelling

corporations

can simply produce more healthy products aligned

prohibitive

Change preposition

with prohibitive

show examples

sweets to compensate

the

Change preposition

for the

show examples

revenue they made from sweets previously, which not only entices

people

towards a more

nutritous

Correct your spelling

nutritious

diet

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

prevents their rage and disengagement. To

conlude

Correct your spelling

conclude

although

some assume

this

method would solely put individuals off towards the market, I firmly believe that the

reprecussions

Correct your spelling

repercussions

could be effectively addressed

through

Change preposition

show examples

focusing more on healthy foods and

drink

Correct subject-verb agreement

drinks

show examples

. In fact, rising sweets'

prices

and shifting focus to less processed commodities, benefits the

society

Change noun form

society's

show examples

well-being as a whole.

Submitted by bita.rezaei7052 on Sun Jun 23 2024

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coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, but the essay could benefit from clearer topic sentences and more distinct separation of ideas within paragraphs.

coherence cohesion

Ensure each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the forthcoming main idea. This will enhance logical flow and readability.

task achievement

Although main points are generally supported, some arguments lack depth and could benefit from further elaboration. Adding more specific examples would bolster claims.

task achievement

The ideas presented are clear, but ensure they are comprehensively developed. It would also be beneficial to include counterarguments and refutations to make your stance robust.

task achievement

The essay provides a clear stance and develops it in both paragraphs, showcasing good understanding of the topic.

coherence cohesion

The essay is structured with a clear introduction and conclusion, reflecting an organized approach.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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16Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

343 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar ,which causes many health problems .Sugary products shoud be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar . do you agree or disagree ?

Include an introduction and conclusion

The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people think secondary school students should study international new as one of their subjects, while others believe this is a waste of valuable school time. To what extent do you agree or disagree,

Some people argue that money is the most important factor to stay in the job other think otherwise discuss both sides and give your own opinion

The tendency of news media to focus on problems and emergencies rather than positive developments is harmful for individuals and the society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?