Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar ,which causes many health problems .Sugary products shoud be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar . do you agree or disagree ?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #shoud #people

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

The debate over the way high

prices

Use synonyms

of sugar-containing foods and drinks influence

people

Use synonyms

has sparked considerable controversy.

While

Linking Words

some argue that

this

Linking Words

shift only encourages resentment, I vehemently advocate for its effectiveness on

people

Use synonyms

's tendency towards a healthier diet.

To begin

Linking Words

with, making these goods expensive, a generous proportion of consumers will be deterred.

This

Linking Words

population contains those with economic hardships, leaving the market to only the wealthy ones;

therefore

Linking Words

, the

overall

Linking Words

sugar consumption of the countries would plummet.

Moreover

Linking Words

, the remaining affluent ones' sugar intake

also

Linking Words

dwindles as they may consider the

prices

Use synonyms

unreasonable and would purchase these products occasionally.

Additionally

Linking Words

, the stimulating appearance of

such

Linking Words

foods would be

dampen

Wrong verb form

dampened

show examples

when

people

Use synonyms

see the

prices

Use synonyms

, which

further

Linking Words

hinders them from buying them and

ultimatly

Correct your spelling

ultimately

intaking

Verb problem

taking

show examples

less sugar. Take Iranians as an example; who'd been suffering from diabetes until a

decate

Correct your spelling

decade

ago, when candy

prices

Use synonyms

skyrocketed and diabetes rate plunged

subsequently

Linking Words

This

Linking Words

highlights that individuals from any socioeconomic level would find the prohibitively expensive products unnecessary to buy.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, some may claim that only a handful of

people

Use synonyms

would be deterred and the rest would rebel against the market. Their anger

accumulating

Wrong verb form

accumulates

show examples

further

Linking Words

, it breeds resentment and a

dispise

Correct your spelling

despise

against the government.

Consequently

Linking Words

, they'd make

less

Change the quantifier

fewer

show examples

contributions to society, perpetuating an unharmonious community and

Change the article

show examples

economic downturn, marking the approach as counter-productive. To illustrate, a renowned Iranian cookie brand once experienced being rejected by its customers

due to

Linking Words

heightened

prices

Use synonyms

, prior to its

bankrupcy

Correct your spelling

bankruptcy

However

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

perspective overlooks the fact that

corrportaions

Correct your spelling

corporations

can simply produce more healthy products aligned

prohibitive

Change preposition

with prohibitive

show examples

sweets to compensate

the

Change preposition

for the

show examples

revenue they made from sweets previously, which not only entices

people

Use synonyms

towards a more

nutritous

Correct your spelling

nutritious

diet

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

Linking Words

prevents their rage and disengagement. To

conlude

Correct your spelling

conclude

although

Linking Words

some assume

this

Linking Words

method would solely put individuals off towards the market, I firmly believe that the

reprecussions

Correct your spelling

repercussions

could be effectively addressed

through

Change preposition

show examples

focusing more on healthy foods and

drink

Correct subject-verb agreement

drinks

show examples

. In fact, rising sweets'

prices

Use synonyms

and shifting focus to less processed commodities, benefits the

society

Change noun form

society's

show examples

well-being as a whole.

Submitted by bita.rezaei7052 on Sun Jun 23 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, but the essay could benefit from clearer topic sentences and more distinct separation of ideas within paragraphs.

coherence cohesion

Ensure each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the forthcoming main idea. This will enhance logical flow and readability.

task achievement

Although main points are generally supported, some arguments lack depth and could benefit from further elaboration. Adding more specific examples would bolster claims.

task achievement

The ideas presented are clear, but ensure they are comprehensively developed. It would also be beneficial to include counterarguments and refutations to make your stance robust.

task achievement

The essay provides a clear stance and develops it in both paragraphs, showcasing good understanding of the topic.

coherence cohesion

The essay is structured with a clear introduction and conclusion, reflecting an organized approach.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

16
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

343 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7.5
band
Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
I believe that living in a country where people speak a different language from yours may cause serious problems even practical ones. I strongly agree with this statement and this essay will support my idea in the following paragraphs.
7
band
Write a letter to a book store manager who is living in another city. Ask him/her to make available a book you are interested
I hope this letter finds you well. Currently, I am pursuing the first year of under graduation, and I have an Economics exam next week. To prepare for the exam, I need to get a Microeconomics book written by Mankiew which is showing available on your bookstore’s website. I am writing to request you keep one copy of this book aside for me, and I will come to your store tomorrow to purchase it.
<4
band
Today, people can work and live anywhere they want, because of the improvement of communication technology and transport. Do advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
Presently, it is much easier to work from distance owing to the advancements achieved in technology and transportation. It is my contention that this flexibility furnishes individuals with numerous opportunities both in professional and personal life, resulting in significant benefits.
<4
band
Ambition is a positive quality for people to have in society today. How important is it for people who want to succeed in life? Is it a positive or negative characteristic?
It is alleged that ambition is considered of the most important features in human lifestyle. The welcoming aspect of that can ifluance individuals life on account of people's thirst for success as well as its delighted impact on their socaial and personal life.
6.5
band
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: The position of women has changed a great deal in many societies over the past 50 years. But these societies cannot claim to have achieved gender equality. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.
Despite vast improvements in the position of women in society over the past half a century, we are still some way from achieving gender equality. Women who were around in the 1960s or 70s are surely struck by the significant improvements in the lives of women in the twenty-first century. However, they must also find familiar evidence of major inequalities.

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar ,which causes many health problems .Sugary products shoud be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar . do you agree or disagree ?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Write a letter to a book store manager who is living in another city. Ask him/her to make available a book you are interested

Today, people can work and live anywhere they want, because of the improvement of communication technology and transport. Do advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Ambition is a positive quality for people to have in society today. How important is it for people who want to succeed in life? Is it a positive or negative characteristic?