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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies

#countries #people #work #travel #year #school #university #studies
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There has been a rapidly growing trend in some nations to encourage high school graduates to travel and get
Use synonyms
experience
Add an article
the experience
an experience
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of
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in
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 the real world by travelling for a year or
get
Wrong verb form
getting
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 employed for jobs that they want to be hired in future. Young
people
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 by working or travelling can learn the value of money and improve their knowledge about how elderly
people
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 live, but there are
also
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 disadvantages that can
be happen
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happen
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.
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Correct your spelling
On
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One
Correct your spelling
On
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 the
one
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 hand, some
people
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 support taking a gap year.
Firstly
Linking Words
 it can benefit young
people
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's personal development, which is
one
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 argument in
favor
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favour
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 of it.
Linking Words
Also
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,Also
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 they learn to value cultural variety through travel to other nations, where they will be exposed to various cultural and social standards,
so
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apply
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it
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 will improve their cultural knowledge.
Secondly
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, еhey can change how they behave in front of their parents
,
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apply
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 because through the
experience
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 they will understand how much their parents give them, and immediately begin to appreciate them.
On the other hand
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,
traveling
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travelling
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 and working are not without
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 drawbacks for young
people
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.
One
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 issue is that spending extra money may result from vacation.
In other words
Linking Words
, the travel budget may be substituted with future college expenses. Unfortunately, without a strong academic background, it is impossible to have a respectable job or develop a successful career.
For instance
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, many global corporations would not consider resumes from applicants without a university degree. Without a doubt, a gap year can negatively impact a student's career if they lose their academic concentration. To recapitulate what was said earlier,
this
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experience
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 has it is own negative influences
in
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on
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 the future work of students, but if they effectively use
this
Linking Words
 time, they will gain
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experience
Add an article
the experience
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 they would not find in any other situation
Submitted by zhadyra.serikbayeva2016 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural immersion
  • Life experience
  • Work ethic
  • Career readiness
  • Self-discovery
  • Delayed gratification
  • Intellectual stagnation
  • Financial implications
  • Social dynamics
  • Academic trajectory
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