IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

You recently attended a conference and you would like to give a presentation about the information you gained by attending the conference. Write a letter to your manager asking for permission to give a presentation. In your letter: describe what type of presentation you have in mind what topics it would cover and how long it would take who should participate in the presentation and where should it be conducted

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Dear Manager, Hope
this
Linking Words
 letter finds you well, The main reason for writing
this
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 letter is to ask your permission to give a
presentation
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
at
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 a recent conference I attended.
Last
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 week, I went to an official meeting on 'The Importance of Socialisation in the commercial world'. I would like to inform you that the contents might be very helpful for our co-workers, and I'm planning to give a
presentation
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 on it.
Firstly
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, with your permission, I like to deliver the
presentation
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 interactively.
This
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 Friday, as our team members were already ahead of the scheduled work, the afternoon session, just might be the best time for
this
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.
Furthermore
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, the meeting covers several topics like, how to behave with co-workers, how to treat our superiors, how to schedule the work to finish in time, and the
presentation
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 might take approximately 45 minutes.
Moreover
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, it would be better if all our teammates
participates
Wrong verb form
participated
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 in the
presentation
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. I'm thinking of giving it in the conference room with everyone in there. In the meantime, I will prepare all the necessary slides required for the
presentation
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. Looking forward to hearing from you. Yours Faithfully, Srinivas Varma.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central theme linking directly to the letter prompt. Each idea should flow logically into the next with smooth transitions.
task achievement
Task response could be improved by providing more specific details about the conference topics and how they relate to the team's current projects or challenges. Adding personal insights or key takeaways can make the presentation more relevant and compelling to your manager.
language
Consider using a variety of sentence structures to enhance readability and engagement. Mix simple, compound, and complex sentences for effect and clarity.
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