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Band 6

Some people believe that there should be a law which prevents young people under the age of 18 being outside after midnight. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #law #age #midnight
The phenomenon of enforcing strict policies to limit
adolescents
Change noun form
adolescents'
adolescent's
show examples
stay
Wrong verb form
staying
show examples
 at home after midnight has aroused wide concern among various circles. Divergent as
people
's views on
this
 issue in question may be, I totally disagree with the idea that using the
law
 to control the behaviour of young
people
. Of all the reasons why the
law
 should not be used to restrict adolescent freedom, probably the most significant one is that establishing a
law
 cannot really limit
people
's actions.
People
 will do anything they think is right or they want whether the
law
 exists or not.
For example
,
although
 most countries have laws prohibiting
people
 from killing, some
people
 still murder others to get want they want.
In addition
, the government will need a lot of resources to surveil
people
,
otherwise
,
this
law
 is useless. Another reason that should not be overlooked is that the right to be outside after midnight should be applied to everyone even if he/she is under 18. Security and safety cannot be an excuse for controlling young
people
 and depriving them of their liberty. Being too strict with the children may cause an irreversible result.
For instance
, Many kids grow up with too much control, they will accrue some negative emotions without a method to release them. When the pressure is too high for them, they will get mental illness.
As a result
, parents should teach their children what should not do and why cannot do it, not set up a rule to control them. Under
this
 line of thinking, it seems to me that children are more likely to be developed healthily
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if
this
law
 does not exist.
Submitted by frankyimp on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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