IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people claim that the government should provide free health care. Others think that the government will not provide the most innovative methods of treatment and it’s better to invest those funds in education and culture. What is your opinion?

#people #government #health #care #methods #treatment #it’s #funds #education #culture
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is no denying that culture, education and health are very important for each person regardless of where they are living.
While
Linking Words
 some people argue that it is better to improve the strength system, others agree that the money could be a better waste if we invest in culture and
also
Linking Words
 in education. First and foremost,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 not everyone can pay for a good quality of vital services
such
Linking Words
 as health. Take as an example Brazil, which has a big percentage of families living in poverty, with no access to a decent health plan or even a house and food. Politicians witch we elect are responsible for providing good conditions to the population live, and fitness is included in the package.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, we are still living in a pandemic time, where things turned much
worst
Correct word choice
worse
show examples
 than they used to be, and it is the government's responsibility to take care of the neediest people.
However
Linking Words
, I strongly agree that governments should invest in culture and education too, taking into consideration that they are
important
Rephrase
as important
show examples
 as fitness. There is no doubt that these two things are good investments for each country, moving the economy and
also
Linking Words
 transforming people's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. Take as evidence the transformation that a person can make in her life with study, becoming a doctor, lawyer or engineer, professions that nowadays have a good payback, and the help of the authorities will allow
this
Linking Words
 miserable person to change their lives. All in all, the government are responsible for the growth of the country and for the wealth of the inhabitants. It is important that they look for all sides seeking the areas that need more investment depending on the time.
Submitted by tdomingos615 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response
Great job in presenting both sides of the argument regarding the allocation of government funds to health care, education, and culture. Make sure to provide more specific examples to support your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing different viewpoints, and a conclusion. Ensure that each paragraph is well-developed with clear transitions between ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: